It is all about salvation

Christianity is not about doing good. It is about salvation.
It is about Jesus.
"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10b

Many people turn to religion to do good. The establishments of NGOs and the opening of doors for OCIPs(Overseas Community Involvement Projects) starts to offer an alternative method to doing good. It seems like religion would start losing its function of providing people with moral values to do good. People can do good anyway. But... Righteousness is not doing what is morally correct.. Righteousness is about doing what is right in God's eyes.
"What does the Scripture say? "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness." Romans 4:3
It was because of Abraham's faith in God, that whatever God commands, he would do.. Even to the point of sacrificing his most precious.. It was not about works.. It does not gratify himself, but it glorifies God. It signifies how the devil one does not have a control over the life of Abraham but his life is offered up to God.

"The words "it was credited to him" were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification." Romans 4:23-25

Righteousness for us would come in the same form-Faith in God. Faith is targetted to a person, not to a thing. And this person manifest himself in Jesus Christ. We no longer lives in condemnation. Not becoz of our endless good works, but because of the blood of Christ. And for that faith, we are credited as righteous. The evil one would not have the ultimate control over us, as long as we have faith in Jesus. The justification is seen from the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. Faith in God is the roots of the tree of my life. Whether this tree bears fruits or not is dependent upon how rooted I am in Christ, how much faith i have in Him. It is not how much i do, it is how much i trust.

“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.”
The evil one will be as low profile as he can be, so that people will not guard against him. It is his greatest tool to manipulate man and push people away from God. Becoz of that, he will do all the charitable works he can, as many acts of kindness as he can. Becoz in our mind, evil and good cannot co-exist. But as established, it is not about "good" Vs "evil" as seen in the eyes of man. Good is about reconcilliation with God. When He created man, he saw that it was "good". He didn't create us with sins then. We were still obeying Him. The day we turned away from God, it became evil. There shouldn't be any harm eating a fruit. What is wrong is disobedience. It is turning away from salvation. For the evil one... his job is not to make all of us "bad" ppl. His job is to draw us away from the eternal God. As long as people do not turn to Christ, he will do it, even the good deeds.

It is not that NGOs or OCIPs or crisis relief teams are bad or always from the devil, in fact most of them are good. As Christians, we just need to adjust our perspectives towards such good works. It should never be used as a way of self gratification. We should never allow the devil to manipulate the acts of good works to distract us from understanding that we are righteous becoz of Christ death and His resurrection, never becoz of good works. Never...

Lifestyle evangelism.
When a salesman comes to you, you are most likely to get turned off.. When you set up a retail shop, customers come to you and ask about your products. You are more likely to close the deal.
It is the same way with evangelism. When you live a life worthy of the gospel, it is equivalent to setting up your retail shop properly, with the products placed properly, strong branding, good services. Not only on the surface, but on the inside, your product must be pure. When people witness your life, they inquire. They want to know more about the "products", the fruits you bear. Different from the retail shop, is that whether the customers buy or not is not how persuasive you are. It is dependent upon our heavenly Father.

Today is one of the rare time during this busy exam period where we get to study at sot and spent some time with the ever so busy uncle tong.. ok... no one is suppose to know he was free.. but he wasn't free.. he was busy coming up with essay outlines, and handling some other stuffs like the never ending interviews.. Yes.. I studied today, but i learnt much more from him.. Ya... the above lessons was gathered from uncle.. He has dropped the thought of becoming a lion tamer.. He is called to spread Daddy's love.. Not spent 12 years trying to convert a lion.. Haha.. I will miss uncle tong when i graduate from SOT. I love the way he prepares lectures. I see that he loves us a lot. And i really treasure uncle too. Daddy loves me, Daddy loves Uncle tong, and we love Daddy too.

Divine Exchange

By: Lara Martin
Verse:
My heart is captivated Lord by You alone
Captured by the awesomeness of You alone
Melted by the grace and mercy You have shown
I stand in wonder
I reach to You the One who makes the blind eyes see
Who breaks the chains of sickness with authority
Restoring what was broken
So it may fly again

Chorus:
I live to worship You
I breathe to worship You
All of my days Your face I will seek
For as I worship You
You lead me to that place
To that place of divine exchange


Reflections:
I wish to be brought to the place of divine exchange with God. Where I can meet Him face to face, and be comforted by His grace. Many are going through tough times. But God is with us through these tough times as long as we seek Him. "I live to worship You, breathe to worship You, all my days Your face I will seek"... I realised that it is really not a simple task at all.. Not a simple task in this lost and depraved world that we are in. Not easy at all because so many ppl around are seeking other things... And it is not easy overcoming these feelings of depression when you don't get the tangibles... I know that I should fix my eyes on Jesus. I will try... "All of my days, Your face I will seek." I will try... His love is so great... Yet my faith is so small... I know He wants me to carry my cross.. Even when ppl see me as a fool.. He wants me to carry my cross... And He wants me to understand that i live not for the world.. But i live for Him... Divine Exchange.. God is willing to exchange His Son for my life... What have i to offer in exchange? Nothing but a sinful self... Nothing but my own selfish desires... Do you not understand?

"And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple."
Luke 14:27

i survived!

wOOwoo.... i survived four back to back papers! tue 8-11 chi paper 1... tue 2-4.15 econs essay... wed 8-11 math... wed 2-5 hist sea... woo...

something that i realised about myself... about my attitude towards going for an exam.. i was just wondering what should i say if ppl asked me if i studied or not... i mean i guess when face with exams, ppl will usually study... is just whether the revision is completed or not... i guess one can never truly define what it means by finish studying.. "you can never finish studying..." haha... thts what a lot of ppl say... well i agree... especially for a rather insecure person like me... haha... talking about insecurity, i rmb how i was so upset with Mr Tong just the other day coz i felt insecure about my GP... but i realised today that it is alright to not study finish you see... the important thing that i wanna strive to achieve is to enter the exam hall knowing that my confidence is not in all that i studied but in the God whom i trust... and with that, i should feel safe and secure...

"You're not made for the As..." Mr Tong told me the other day... not becoz he thinks that i am not capable enough... all he wants to let me know is i do not belong to the world... i am not governed by the world's values... i belong to Jesus... and all He requires of me is to work hard and go into the exam hall trusting that He will be by my side as i do the exam... and I am not made for the As... If God wants me to be at the top, He will place me at the top... in fact, it doesn't even matter... What matters is whether i pass on the love He has given me...

Hehee... that was a small part of what i learnt from ah tong the other day... he was explaining to me an online game he was playing when i was taking a break from the studying... it is fun seeing someone like him getting all excited over computer games.. oh... and he allowed SOT to be my 2nd home! i dunno if it is normal... but he is such a nice brother that i wish i can intro him to all my friends... hee... just like how i wanted my school mates to know Ke li... but of coz that was not becoz she is nice... but becoz she is my uncommon friend...

and i realised that there are more ppl who reads my blog than what i actually knows... actually... i just want this blog to be a record of what i learn from Daddy.. mostly for myself.. and.. its quite upsetting when ppl around me come telling me about what i wrote in my blog, things that i din tell them personally... it is not like i dun share or something... aiya... dunno la... and i realise i get upset when ppl judge how well mr tong teach based upon how good our english are... i rmb telling mr tong before it is stressful being his student... i guess he understands... but he wants me to speak the truth, not worrying about managing interest but speaking the truth that aligns with the reality of the God who loves us... the fact is... my GP grades are not improving... the fact is... i seem to be doing worse than before... truth... it doesn't matter.... it is not about the grades... it is about my intellectual capacity growing... it is about showing more empathy and concern for people around me... it is about being able to learn from a brother like ah tong.... though it is irritating that you pay to build this relationship.. haha... but i know our siblinghood will go even beyond classes...

WOW... i know how to upload pics le!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Arent you guys just so impress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am impress!!!!!!!!! haha... and the first pic... me and my beloved brother yee... he is also known as uncle yee.. :)

Since i just learn this beautiful knowledge of uploading pics... haha... let me give a brief introduction of the few most significant relationship in my life now... 1st person is none other than uncle yee... his pic is already on top... 2nd... KE LI!!!
KE Li complained the other time that she lost to uncle yee... but she understands... haha...

next is dee and bing.. i realised i dun have pics with them...

you want to know the next few peeps???

Pris! We have become so close that we go and cut hair together!

Roy and Ser... My closer friends in NY....


These three peeps are my closest friend in NY... hee.. I enjoying saying grace with them... praying with them... and i just realised i forgot to pray with ROY before we go into exams hall... shall do it before econs next week and for the A's...


hee... i survived my college life partly becoz Daddy provided my with these three lovely sisters...

ok.. this is probably going to be one of the rare times that i am uploading pics on my blog... rmb how i use to say i dun like to update my life on this blog? but it is alright... it is quite cool being able to see ppl whom you love everytime you visit your own blog for some recap of lessons you learnt in life... And... Daddy is not part of this ranking... Becoz... He is my All in All... Forever and ever... Though sometimes i fail Him... I will try...


well... i probably din do very well this prelims... will study even more... for His glory...

Overwhelmed...

To tell you the truth... I was too focus on thanking God for ppl around me that i failed to realise that the God is the one whom i am suppose to thank most... He caught me offhanded and today i was overwhelmed by His grace, His love, His mercy... Just Him...

Last week... I especially thank Daddy for three teachers in my life...
1. Mr Tong Yee
2. Mr Pio Pereira
3. Mr Haniss

Don't ask me why all three are males... I just happen to have more male teachers... Haha...

All three of them... They exhibit God's love for me... And from each one of them, i learn so much more about Daddy... They impacted the live of this adorable individual (me) in ways that they may not even know... Mr Haniss is just cool... His famous quote "All Nanyang students are my students..." In him, i see a man who genuinely cares for his students... He said... "Have faith!" He is the second muslim (first one is Suhaimi) in my life who showed me what it really means to fear God. Mr Pereira... He makes me cry. But he taught me how to be tough. Not tough towards people but tough towards myself.. Learning to be strong emotionally... Learning to be independent...

Mr Tong... No... I cannot even begin to describe what this man has done... Truly, he is the best gift from God when i decided to enter NYJC.. Every time i learn something new from him or about him, i see God working in the life of this tall man... I shares about what i learn from him.. And i learn so soo much yesterday... Still overwhelmed till now... Will share again...
Wanna know a joke about him? I was having tea with him yesterday at bugis food court. After that we walked back to SOT together... And... I couldn't hear him speak clearly... Why? Because he is too tall!!!! 193 leh... The position of his mouth is so much higher than my ear! And the place is crowded so whenever he turns slightly away to talk, i can't hear anything!!!!!! Funny???? I think it is very funny... I haven't tell him though... coz we were talking about something serious then...

Was on the bus to school today... Yup... Then i was reflecting upon what i have been thinking about... "The only thing i deserve is to die", Mr Tong said yesterday... Ya... Thats so true... Yet we are given so much more... And i was overwhelmed by His love so greatly that nothing else around me matters anymore.. I din want to do anything.. I was just at peace, listening to Him, feeling His presence in the midst of the spinning world... Nothing else matters anymore... Simply because I have Daddy, that's enough... I am still learning... Learning this lesson of being satisfied with God...

Learnt so much these few dayssss.... Will type my thoughts in when i can afford the time... I am studying for my Prelims and A's now... And... Being quiet before Daddy doesn't just mean being in a quiet place...

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with that glory that will be revealed IN us." Romans 8:18

No more boxes and labels...

"I've got a Band 3..." "No you are a Band 1."
It doesn't matter how much his friends told him that he has supported them, and he truly deserves the Band 1. But becoz the Paper says he had a Band 3, everything else doesn't matter...
When did we start letting paper define us?
"The paper became soo strong in defining what you are suppose to do.. So much so that it becomes more important than your true self." It is very damaging...
Gifted... Special... Express... Normal... Abnormal... Subnormal... Why give these particular names?
"Hi this is my daughter.. She is from Cambridge.. She is doing her masters in Chemistry this year. Hi this is my son.. He is TALL.." I cannot even begin to imagine how it feels.. "Wa I am dead... I can't teach them becoz I was not from these colleges and I am not as good as these people... It doesn't matter how much i know inside..."
Why is your self-worth dependent upon these?

When you go to a friend, and you are pretty happy but you know your friend is depress... "Hey... are you ok?" "No...I am really depress.." "Er.. Ok.. Don't be sad.. Don't be depress.. Don't be stress.. Don't cry.. It's ok.. Don't be angry.." What is our solution to someone's emotional problems? Don't... Becoz if you do that, and if i see it, i need to sit there for hours to listen to you.. And i will have to get off the academic train with you while everyone is moving on.. Everyone is moving on, and i am here.. with you... so Don't...

These few points hit me so hard... I never really understood fully what it means that your self-worth is in God alone... Like... Nothing else really matters... Like... there is no need to angst over result.. the paper does not reflect who you are.. nothing else should define your own self-worth.. What am i worth? I am worth so much that the almighty God of Heaven and Earth, He sees me so precious that He sent His one and only begotten Son to die for my sins.. Still, I really cannot fully understand what it means... All i know is that it means that i should not see anything else more important than glorifying this God who loves me so much... It means that the papers are not the ones defining me.. It means that all i want to do is to please Him... And if studying hard pleases Him, i will study...

I dunno what it means to most people.. It may seem to be a confined life.. But you cannot even begin to imagine the immense joy being the child of the Most High God and pleasing Him.. It is like a young daughter trying to make her Daddy smile..

I am going to go through life doing what i like... What i love... Pleasing my God...
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers." Romans 8:28-29

I have grown to love this brother even more... Not the love that many other think is.. It is this love that grows becoz of Christ.. It is how i see everytime he teaches, he teaches with God in mind. How he brings across the love of Christ in such a way that i know it is not him loving, but Christ loving us through Him..
No... I am not hua xin... :)

Sins

I mentioned the other time that i would be having some reflections on sin... not that i have already reflected upon them... Just that i've learnt recently more about ppl's sins, and my own...

I guess everyone has his/her own struggles... not i guess.. i know... and many times, you can't based on how it looks on the surface...

i was talking to some ppl about how you really cannot judge the other ppl based on looks... most ppl says first impression counts... i guess it is true for all ppl... for me, it used to be the first impression, you must give me the "decent" look... give an example... Mr Pereira and Mr Chee... Based on looks, i would have a better impression on Mr Pereira rather than Mr Chee, though the latter is much better looking and "cooler"... but Mr Chee spikes his hair and is quite fashionable.. and... i sometimes dun really understand why sometimes these ppl must waste their time spiking their hairs.. on the contrary, Mr Pereira dun spikes his hair, he has this toot toot image, and i just kind of like such serious ppl... Jia Mian was like that or is like that also... Ok... Back to Mr Pio and Mr Chee... As times pass, i got to know Mr Chee better and he is really soooo nice la... and Mr Pio is not that nice after all, he made me cry more than once becoz of math... So basically my impression changed after i got to know ppl more...
My point... I used to sterotype ppl based on whether they dye or spike their hair.. I dun really like... I don't show it... but... i guess i would feel in my heart, "these ppl wun fall in my category of heart attacks." haha... ok... this is a small point... My bigger point is... i guess all of us have our own struggles... maybe some ppl would prefer to spent more time on their hair or clothes... you see... just different... like how i spent more time on lazing around.. that is my struggle... just tht the former one is my evident... lazing around is something i do in my private sphere... oh well...

this is suppose to be a more serious post... really realised about how one's sins can affect ppl around him/her... i guess i am hurt... ok... i am hurt... but... i know Daddy is going to bring me thru...

it is time i face my sins too... anw... i hereby declare that yup... i can sense it again... i can sense the tearing apart of my soul and my heart... how it is coming again... just like how it came a few years back... the hurts are coming back... but it once again teaches me to rely on Him...

"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:14-25

Mrs Goh shared this passage with me the other time when i am upset... when i am dragged down by all the things that is happening around me... when all the evil things are happening around me... God is the only one picking me up from this body of death.

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Yup... His power is made perfect in my weaknesses...

Sins... How i long to leave it...

Going back to the original

I wonder if anyone actually came to my blog when it became PINK... Hmm...

I've told some friends about how i am learning to explore technology and how i am just so excited when i learn how to change my blog template... No.. you are not seeing things... it is black again!

I kept the links.. coz actually i originally just wanted to add the Hedonese and agora link... They are really cool! And than as i explore... i realised i could change some stuffs... oh well... i guess due to my weird mood recently, i clicked on that weird pink background... but the more i think about it... the more i feel that it is soo not me... just not me... so.... after putting it up for about 2 days... i changed it back...

not that i love black... but becoz i really want to keep this blog simple.. not as if the previous skin was fanciful... in fact, it is not... haha... but i still think the colours are too distracting... and... i really like plain plain stuffs... not that i am a plain girl... maybe i am boring (the things that i do)... but i am not plain...

and... i am even thinking of removing pris's and ruo yi's blog links... why? hmm... i think i am still not use to the idea of linking here and there... and.. i was just thinking that if i am not going to remove it, does it mean that i am going to put ppl like tian tian and kelly they all blog links on my blog too (since i forget their blog address often...)... Oh well... i am still deciding... you will know the answer when you see either addition or subtraction to my blog links... but.. if i add links like agora, it is really simply becoz i wanna connect ppl who reads my blog (which i wonder how many) to other christian authors around or to other thinkers around... guess it allows me to broaden my worldview and i want my friends to broaden their worldview as well... haha... i am not trying to say that my friends' blogs are myopic... it is more about personal life right? that's why i am unsure... once again.. when i've decided you will see from the links...

Something to share besides my "going back to original"... Ah tong shared during the religion lecture that the world dominated by science will be a world govern by human mind... logic... oh well... and right now... as we are govern by physical laws.. no secular laws have existed that could control the meta-physical realm, our mind included... It is part of our private morality...

"Private morality is a matter of the heart. It lies in the unseen realm of our inner worlds of thoughts, emotions and values.
The hands of the law are to short to transform and empower the society to be a "pious, religious, disciplines, dignified, noble and trustworthy society." -An extract from the hedonese blog...

When it comes to secular law, maybe it din mean to transform the world to be religious in the first place... But the least it seeks to attain is to make our society trustworthy.. If this world is govern by human mind-logic, and nothing else... can we really become a trustworthy society? what value systems would influence the human mind? How do we even ensure the so called "logic" is logical in the first place... In the age of uncertainty, how can one be certain of an absolute law that can allow ALL mankind to trust?

I am tired... Hopefully i get to think deeper in this area.. Right now i am not going to dig deeper... REcently i learnt something about sin... Haven't really reflect on it yet (maybe i will when i go to the toilet later)... So i am not going to type my disorganised thoughts here...

Another thing i have been learning recently (may be days, months or may be a year) is about God using His people in the market place... Pastor Lawrence shared with me about the fact that there should be influential Christians entering the market place... And he was wondering if i would want to be an economist next time... And how i read about soo many talents going into full-time ministry... NOTHING is wrong with that... Just that how can those Christians in the marketplace influence others than... And how God has been teaching me about shining wherever you are...

I shared with Kanitta (KeLi) the other day that i think God has been treating me like Isaiah... Pastor Dai was sharing about how God din CALL Isaiah by name asking him to go here and go there... God appeared and has somewhere in mind He wants to reach out to, and asked "WHom shall I send, and who will go for us?" "Here am I, send me!" Isaiah replied... (Isaiah 6:8)
I guess when Isaiah had such a close encounter with God, all he wanted to do was to serve His Lord forever..

I always wonder where God "called" me to go... Like how Dianne and Kanitta have quite clear vision of where God wants them to go.. Just like how God called Jonah and all... But i don't really have.. I know i want to be a preacher... And i know that if one day God calls me for full-time ministry, i will go... But i really dunno...
And i think until this stage of me life... God hasn't called me like the way He called Jonah... I have no specific place to go... And God taught me that it is alright... He speaks to different people differently, and His plans are just soo cool that I won't understand.. And... Why i say He is treating me like Isaiah... It is not like as if other JCs have no need... Not like other place have no need... But right there and than, when i had an amazing accounter with my Lord and when He showed me this JC, i was like "ok i will go..." I MUST admit that i really don't have as much faith as i have at the later stage (after my 1st three months)... by than i was a bit like Jonah... But it was not reluctance... It was more of fear... But i continued on anyway...
And ya.. So i've learnt that i am going to be like Isaiah, telling God that I am ready... Whenever He shows me a place and He wants me to go, i will go...
I am praying... And I know all He desire of me now is to obey Him and love Him like a child... And i am struggling with sins... ANd like Paul, i know what i am suppose to do... But i still fall... And i am learning... Original sins... Original love... God's love was original, and He died for my original sins, and He wants me to go back to my original faith...
Hee... So exciting and confusing... And I really love my ah ma! she may need to go for an eye operation... haha.. i told her that she must go leh... coz like that she can help me see my husband-to-be next time with a clearer view... hahahahahaha.... silly me...

Inquiring

"I am a Christian. But I am an academic as well."
Well... Seems like a dual role... But being an academic is actually a subset of being a Christian. It is not mutually exclusive. It is not like I am a Christian and I am a atheist. This 2 are mutually exclusive. It cannot co-exist.
Anw... Going back to my point... Why did i type the first statement? We had GP lessons at Ah Tong's place today, and there was a follow-up on the conflicts between science and religion (mainly the monotheistic ones).. And there were lots of qns, taking into consideration it was already about 10.. I have a few classmates who are quite atheistic in nature, or they do not believe in a creator of the universe. To be more specific, they find a lot of inconsistency or doubt the truth in the Christian Bible. I think Ah Tong has been giving quite a neutral viewpoint on creation and evolution.. To the extent that someone actually pop up the question. "Why are you so neutral? You free thinker ar?" I thought they always knew he was a Christian since i remember hearing him mentioning it before.. Ya lor... Than he say "No, I am a Christian." Than someone probe further... "So you believe in creation?"... "I dunno, i am still finding answers myself.. I am a Christian, but i am an academic as well." He replied, giving me a look that seems to be telling me that, "do you understand what that means?"..
This guy always spur me to think... Haha... Taking into consideration i am already a thinker.. He is a Christian, supposedly having the truth.. Yet being an academic, he wants and is suppose to study more and find out more.. 以信求知！I think as Christians, we receive the grace from God, enabling us to have the faith in Him, and we than seek to gain more knowledge of Him.. And i always believe and know that knowledge of the world just draws us closer to the creator when we already have this relationship with Him. The head of the human geonome project once said that the moment of discovery of the human genes enabled him to catch a glimpse into God's mind. It was something that he never knew but God knew it all along..
As an inquirer in the world, we seek the answers to unexplained phenomenum in the world, we analyse situations, trends, do all sorts of different thing to gain knowledge.. Would we disprove the existence of God, the creator of the world we see as we find more answers? I don't really understand mentalities of atheist or skeptics yet.. Some of them argues that science can reinforce your faith if you are already a believer as there are supposedly evidence to prove the event written in your sacred text (like the parting of the red sea) but to a non-believer, it holds no meaning.. But.. the very reason why the person is a non-believer, is becoz he don't believe it to be true.. If there are evidence to show that it may be true, and it still holds no meaning to you... than isn't it a state of denial instead? It may not be concrete evidence... But it shows a greater possibility of what this religion is trying to say is true.. are there benefits of being a skeptic or an atheist? I really don't understand... Maybe i would go find out more about skeptics and atheist..
Really, inquiring is good.. But... SO what is i know a lot but ultimately refuse to enter into a relationship with this God? Just for temporal recognition of being know as a smart chap? Come on... So what if you canbe smart for 70 years? Are people sometimes putting their eternity at stake? I can know a lot about President Bush, but would it make a difference if i don't have a relationship with him? In comparison, by knowing more about my father, i learn to do things that will please him and learn to accept him for who he is... The same way with God... SO what if we know a lot yet have no relationship with Him? He is like a King, extending His invitation for us to have an opportunity to be in full communion with Him, and through these, can get to know Him more... But some people choose not to... They choose to analyse Him from afar, trying means to disprove His soverignty, His power, and even His existence.. Some knows a lot, but it won't make a difference in their life...

Ok... I am kind of tired after a day of history, GP and thinking... I think i need time to rest... God.. Help me to learn to love You more throught my questions and my thoughts..

The Beauty of Forgiveness...

I love this brother of mine...
In the past... It used to be because he just seems soo perfect... 190 and above, charismatic, brilliant, rich, sensitive, love God, love man.... Now... I've got to know more about him... i remember telling miss darrell before that "hey.. i realised that he is not that impressive after all..."
true... when i said that, it was probably because i really dunno him... he was indeed not very impressive... so wad if he is 190 and above... the height strains your neck... so what if he is charismatic... as time goes by, not that charismatic after all... or the passion dies... rich... who cares? sensitive... ok... that i admit is important.. but he is not always sensitive... (though most of the time he is...:P)... love God... love man... as i learn more about these, i love him more...

"My dear sihui, your fight is not tomorrow... it is for life... God has set a higher purpose for you. One that should put your trial tomorrow into perspective... " "Aways have that higher purpose in mind. The evil one will throw all sorts of nonsense our way. Your godly duty as a student is to set your eyes on Jesus and ask yourself what he would do. Would he angst over results or performance? Or trust that his duty is to gain the favor of God, not man." --- A msg from him before my block test.
He teaches with God in mind... and he wants me to learn with Daddy in mind...

The beauty of forgiveness.. Ever since i got to know slightly more about his past... I do not deny the fact that i was affected... Ke li knows about that... she knows how much i love him, and how highly i regard him as my brother... no words could explained how i felt (i don't think it is because my vocab is limited..).. this brother reminded me that is was because of his mistakes, of his past, that Jesus died, He truly loves us...

He shared about his past.... He wanted to teach... He wanted to impact the lives of others... He was teaching with God in mind... He truly loves his students... And i've grown to love this brother a lot because of this... God has forgiven him... who are we as humans to form opinions of a man who truly acknowledges his mistakes? God loves him... i will not dare to say all of us would love him like before anymore... but i love him... love him even more than before... love him because God uses him to love me... because God uses him to remind me that God loves me... God forgave my sins the way He forgave my brother...

The beauty of forgiveness... Forgiveness comes love and acceptance...

When Jesus died on the cross.. It must have been difficuly... He knew people would hurled insults at Him... He knew people would laughed at Him... But for the sake of those He loves, He went up to the cross with His outstretched arm and said "Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing" Jesus forgave me the day He choses to die... He choose to love and accept me... It must have been soo painful... But He loves me...

The beauty of forgiveness... This brother taught me... And he reminded me... God loves and accepts me....

The Glory of God is man, fully alive!

"The Glory of God is man fully alive" ~St. Irenaeus
Man = Sinful = Fall Short of God's Glory.
Man is NOT = to God's glory
When man was first created by God in His image, it is to glorify Him. Man was in full communion with God. We were fully alive, taking care of the things He entrusted us.
But... The moment man choose to disobey, sin entered into our lives and broke our communion with God. The wages of sin is death. That instant, we are no longer fully alive. We no longer live the life God intended us to live.
God loves us. He sent Jesus down as man to die for our sins. Jesus came to earth as man. He had no sins. He was the only man who was fully alive. The glory of God was fully revealed in the life of Jesus. Jesus was His Son. The Son without sins, the Son whom God is well pleased with.
Jesus came to give us life “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10)
The purpose of God—the very thing He’s staked His reputation on—is man coming fully alive?
He gave Jesus... To cover us with His blood. He wants us to repent... To die to our sins... To live the life He intended us to live.. He wants us to be resurrected with Jesus, that we may become fully alive, that we may reveal His glory.

How great the love He has for me! How can i forget... How can i stay away... How can i not be drawn towards... God keep me close to You... If there is anything He can take away, take away my choice of running away from Him. Take away that choice of not choosing Him. God... take it away...

Lighting...

Sometimes, people chooses to light up paper... I saw the papers being burnt...

When someone pass away, we burnt paper... The lights around the casket... What do they symbolises? Is it that important that those lights and papers are being lit or burnt?

Does my life light up the lives of others? Isn't that more important than so many things we light up with earthly fire? Do i allow my life to burn and shine for Christ?

"I want you to see the importance of your life in how well you pass on the love I have given you. I want you to see your years as important because you have given them to Me... live your days for Me.. If you do not, it will be as though I never came..." -Conversations with Jesus-

Many times, i tire myself up as i work for the future.. It is not wrong to think about the future.. Not wrong to plan... Suddenly I am reminded of the paradox of thrift... well... if i plan too much, i forget to live my day as it is... if i save too much money, i create too much withdrawal in the economy... the economy will shrink... in the same way, my life is not lived to the fullest because of how i keep tiring myself up because of the future.. and many times i forget that what God requires of me really is just to pass on His love... If tomorrow i were to die, what did i leave in the world today?

i miss mr hannis and mr ng... and.. yup.. i wanna nominate mr nandwani for the president teacher award.. if i nominate mr nathan i think he sure win one (coz of his name though)... I guess mr hannis, mr ng and mr nandwani just light up the lives of others in special ways...

and i grow to love two of my sisters kanitta and dianne so much recently... how i really realised once again they are so precious and dear to me... shu yi jie too... and i think yup, these are people who light up my life..

today miss darrelll talk to me... she told me her name has the same meaning as my name.. both darrell and david means beloved...

hehe... i am God's beloved... I want my family members to be God's beloved too.. i pray to be a blessing to those around me.. i know that i will still fall and fail sometimes.. but i know He is always by my side...

i am the light and salt of the earth... God called me to be one..

resolving...

why the title "resolving"? guess it is a time to resolve some stuffs within and without.. hehee... sounds wrong...

wanted to update my blog quite a few times... things has been not going quite right... but i dun want to grumble... and i want to learn to face problems with God, not with the computer.. well... "trusting in God..." yup... though i have changed my nick today, but the trusting process will go on till the day i go back to Him in heaven..

i remember saying that i seldom update my blog unless i really cannot take it.. need a place to type how i feel.. "cannot take it" may mean that i am consume by thoughts or emotions or ideas... hehe... so the term may not be negative... at least not in my context...
well... one year pass by quickly... i remembered last year, i was still a sec 4 student... looking back at the past one year, God has been gracious... I learnt a lot, cried a lot, laugh a lot, fell a lot, doubt a lot... and He was with me all the time... to teach, to dry my tears, to laugh with me, to pick me up, to answer.. assuring me that all i need to do is listen, trust and obey... it definitely was not easy, many times i failed to do so.. but one thing i learnt... a man's failure does not determine God's failure... becoz He is who He is, He dun fail, He just makes everything beautiful in His time...

there was many changes in life... i made some real good friends in college... ppl who laugh with me, study with me, shared with me.. God blessed me with them.. and i want to be their blessings as well.. sometimes i dunno how, sometimes i fail... but well... it is only one year... i know we have many more years to go.. i promise to invite them to my wedding at the parade square.. i wun forget.. and even if i do, i have a back up plan! (opps.. inside joke) i was wondering am i really quirky? well... i just like to see ppl around me happy.. so wad if i look silly.. hehe...

resolving... yup... resolving some of my feelings... yes... once again, sihui is emotional... and i really love ppl around me... really really love them.. and it definitely include papaya, honeydew and my favourite heYdi! (opps... another inside joke..) but wad is inside joke? i actually do not really hide my feelings for ppl.. and i guess this is why some ppl gets confuse... well.. i love ppl around me... but ppl like papaya and honeydew and my favourite heYdi are special in my life.. see... i love all of us becoz of the qualities we have since we are created after God's own image.. tht's y i love oreo coz i think he is nice in his own ways.. (opps.. another one..) but i specially love the 2 fruits and heYdi becoz.. hehe... they are attractive to me wad!

resolving... ya lorh... need to resolve my feelings for those i kind of find it hard to love.. haiz... ppl who has been hurting me real badly..
resolving.. also for those who use to have a special place in my heart but i am feeling hurt recently becoz of them... sometimes it is just weird.. it is not like how i love papaya n gang... it is different... it is how you used to be able to share but now u can't... and the feeling you have when you are around them.. it just feels weird... it is not only tht one person... but ya.. there is this special one whom i am tired with recently.. trying to get him out of tht special place... it is actually my fault actually.. i din make the effort to know him better.. but... i am tired of feeling weird/hurt becoz of him.. well.. guess yup... i need to resolve this...

hee.. i got to know this iron man from my school better recently.. he is a christian as well.. and he is like so cool.. so postive.. so encouraging... and like.. haha.. sometimes so like me.. and he is 18... from china.. and.. kind of like him... hey! but at least he is of my age.. ppl has been saying i only like mature old man.. no lorh.. iron man is not old.. papaya is not tht old either... and.. i like them coz they are mature, sensitive and will make a loving father... hey.. but papaya is not sensitive! well... haha.. means i dun like him the way ppl think i do...

resolving... well... i guess it is a process tht will go on...

a pessimist sees a hole.. an optimist sees a donut...
i see God!

Praying for my husband

Hehe...Today this chen ye wei chuan dao aka Pastor Ezekial came to preach for sat service... He is soooo shuai (to me)... and... probably becoz i wanna be a preacher also, so i was attracted to him... Then he dun have a wedding ring.. sooo... it is highly possible tht he is still single...
hehe... But... i was focus during sat service.. Focus on God :) And i was listening to the pastor preaching... and i learn a lot from him about God also... :)
then hor, i must admit i am very mesmerise by him.. hehe.. then was kind of happy when he smiled at me! but... i realise i was distracted... so i decided to keep myself calm... oh, but... still feeling a bit... hehe... guess i have a crush on him... but this kind of things will go on... coz i love man of God...

Well.. this sets me thinking.. and i was being reminded tht... "a godly man may not be the right man..."
Ok.. so wad i concluded today with Ke Li is tht... I will start praying for my husband today... i hope he will be a preacher also... a pastor... someone i meet in trinity college maybe... hehe... so exciting to meet him... waiting in anticipation... ya... so i will pray.. and when the day comes, i will tell him " I have been praying for you since 24 June 2006!" So exciting right.. I wonder how the man God prepared for me will be like...

What if ultimately God wants me to stay single? Well, i guess it will be alright too, coz i know He is my ultimate focus! though i would want a man to grow with me in the word of God and raise kids together! :)

yeah.. so today's entry is to commemorate this day! so i can keep track! hehe... and remind myself to pray... :)

Beach

Went to the beach today after choir prac... Hehe..
Who was there? My papa, mama, didi, Ah Ma, 5 Gu, 5 Gu Zhang, Ah Mei Jie, En En, 4 Gu, Sally Jie, xiao shu, xiao shen, si min, si ying, our three maids... 18 of us.. haha.. and this is only 4 out of 12 family, erm actually got 16 family... haha...
Opps.. tht wasn't the main reason why i type this blog.. i usually dun update on this kind of things.. haha.. okok.. i will start on wad i wanna share about..
My Ah Ma is 80 this year.. And i really love her so soo sooo much... wad happen today? She decided to go down to the beach and soak herself in water.. (swimming if u would call it??)... the waves was *large?*.. and after hesistating for dunno how long.. she decided to go down.. so she pass her bag to me and walk down.. dun be silly.. how would i allow her to go down herself? i walk with her.. it was quite exciting.. about 10+ years ago, our big family use to go to the beach together often, and we will play in the water together, with my Ah Ma.. she was 60+,70 then... i guess she just wanted to swim again.. now swimming pool cannot wear home clothes le so she haven't been able to soak herself in water (taking into considerations her body condition as well).. but i know she yearns to be in the water again, she shared with me before (not explicitly though).. many times when we bring her to the beach, she wouldn't wanna go down to the water.. think she scared (body conditions and old age i guess).. But this time.. she wanna go down.. so i held her hands..
As we walk down, i signalled to my dad who was in the water, asking him to come and help my ah ma (i couldn't help my ah ma any further, i was wearing jeans and a quite nice top with covered shoes and socks..) as my ah ma walk further down,i called my brother over so that he can walk down with her..(he wearing shorts..)... i stood down, and watch them walk further down, then i see my dad and my bro trying to hold my ah ma, getting her to sit down on the sand.. my my, the next moment the waves come and she fell back.. after a while she turned over (meaning her face was facing the ground).. the waves was too strong.. i panic and i just couldn't stand watching the way my dad and my bro held my ah ma.. although she was smiling (i think she was enjoying herself) but i still dun feel save watching her in my dad and bro arms.. i took off my shoes and socks, turn back to get someone to carry my ah ma's bag.. it was then tht i realised a lot of ppl was looking at my ah ma, apparently finding her admirable? amusing?? i dunno.. but my gu gu(s) was asking me to ask ah ma come up, very paiseh.. i pass the bag to one of them and rush down to the waters..i held my ah ma up, make sure she was alright.. then saw the smile on her face.. then suddenly, my xiao shu came down and held my ah ma up, asking her to come up quickly, "very paiseh leh"... then they pull her up with my daddy.. i was holding her hands.. after tht when going up, my xiao shu walk away quite angrily, then my gu gu came down to say tht it was very paiseh..
i stood there.. feeling a bit weird.. i wondered how my ah ma is feeling.. but i held her, told her it is alright.. she was still smiling, but it was a bit diff.. i got her clothes and stuffs, and walk with her to bathe.. barefooted, we walk, i ask her if she had fun, she said yes and smiled.. my jeans was heavy, but i was happy.. i walk in with her to the cubicle (ya, see her bathe.. haha..).. i told her she just had water baptism.. i told her i prayed just now, and she now belongs to Jesus! she laugh.. and she say, "aiya, just wanted to go down and wash away the past only".. Oh my.. haha.. i told her " ya lor, this is baptism lorh.." then i told her how happy i will be when one day she really calls God her saviour, and then i will fang(4) xin(1).. (all these convo is in teochew.. haha)..
i stood in the cubicle, was splashed by the water, seems to be showers of blessings on me.. i treasure every moment spent with my ah ma.. i know she is happy too.. and i know how much she loves this grand daughter of hers..
i guess we show love to my ah ma differently.. but sometimes we care more about how the world look at us more than we care about the person we want to show love to..
i really love my ah ma.. i am not sure if she recieved the salvation anot.. i will continue praying.. for her and for my family..
she is 80 yrs old.. how many more days, months, or years do i have with her? would she see me get married? would she get to carry my child? or would i go before her?
just wanna share this with you guys who happen to see this entry.. treasure the time you have to spent with your love ones.. only with God, we'll then be able to spent eternity with each other, in love.. I guess the reason why i tend to love so many ppl is becoz of God.. my character also maybe, but then again, i am created and mould by Him.. hehe.. He is my Father.. Oh!! Happy Father's Day again to my Heavenly Father!
hehe.. i went with my papa to eat dinner with my ah ma, didi, and maid at night.. actually a lot of things happen today.. maybe i will share more again the next entry... hehe :)
remember, show love while you can.. :)

Seeking Comfort

Was feeling very upset yesterday.. Needed comfort.. Din wanted to talk to God about it..
Was on my way to the airport to meet ke li.. then was so upset, i on my discman (yes, i still using cd player), then was listening to this secular love song.. then next track is a christian song.. then i decided to find comfort (or numb myself to put it in a real way) in tht song, so i repeated tht song.. Then mainly becoz i dun want it to skip to the next christian song, totally din wanna listen to God at all..
Was seating on the train, (then you know the waiting time from tanah merah is so long one) then the more i listen, the more upset i become, then the more i think about why i am upset, images flow thru my head, ahh... but i still dun wanna talk to God, dun wanna let Him comfort me..
Ultimately, when i reach airport, i decided to change track.. I decided to listen to the christian song.. Then i kind of cried.. I realised how foolish i was.. i choose to let the world comfort me.. and i choose to believe tht i can go thru this alone.. In fact, i thought i could let go of the thing i wanna let go with my own will power, own wisdom and own strength.. and when i get hurt in the process, once again i choose to let others comfort me.. seeking love from man alone.. i thought "what can God do about it?".. i was so wrong..
"For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength." 1 Corinthians 1:25
He spoke to me thru the song.. I went back to Him in prayers.. He comforted me..
I am still recovering.. In the process of setting my heart right again, in the process of getting healed.. I dunno how the thing will end up to be like, but i know God will hold me in His arms, and i will be secure in Him.
Just wanna encourage you guys who read this blog.. That no matter what happens, God is there to comfort us, to carry us through our problems.. Even if you dun believe in the name of Jesus now, one day if you feel that the world can't comfort you anymore, and you are willing to open your heart to let God comfort you, call on His name and He will hear you.. Seek comfort in Him for He cares for us..
He comforted me, and i know He will be there for you too :)

Hanging On

Trying to smile.. Learning to trust.. Hanging On..
Tired lips, weary hearts, aching arms..
I would love to lie in His arms..
So save and secure..
Don't wake me up please..
I just want to rest in Him.. Rest..

Meaningless

I am trying to learn.. Enjoying the presense of God alone.. Not being surrounded by people..
I dun feel like talking much anymore.. People who are quiet gets accepted into the society too.. People who are quiet serves God as well..
When you speak, you make assumptions.. You assume tht the person you are talking to understands what you mean.. Many times, or maybe all the time, the only have partial understanding.. Sometimes people dun show they dun understand.. In fact, they probably dunno that they have misunderstood..
I dun wanna be misunderstood.. I dun wanna be labeled as someone i am not.. I dun wanna talk anymore.. People associate you with their interpretations of what you say.. I am tired..
Thinking of what to say so that ppl wun get the wrong msg, thinking of how to say..
I feel like withdrawing from a lot of stuffs.. But there are responsibilities..Can i not be responsible? But if you are not responsible for once.. Ppl wun have confidence in you again.. Does it matter to me? So what if it doesn't matter to me now? How would i know if it not important to me next time? How would i know if there is a next time? And when they have no confidence in you, will what you say have creditbility? But.. no.. you are not going to say anything le... So does it matter?
All talk, all action.. All talk, no action.. No talk, all action.. No talk, no action..
What is the meaning of being yourself? Who is yourself? Is there only one yourself? I simply cannot fit in to the communities well.. So is there something wrong with myself? Or am i not being myself? Then do you seek to fit in to the communities well or do you seek to be yourself? Or is there many side to yourself, you just have to find the right side to face the different communities? So does it mean there is more than one yourself? Is this what you call identity crisis? But what is an identity? Are you suppose to have diff kind of identities as you appear in diff places?
Seeking identity in Christ.. I only have God now.. The One who will not misunderstands me, even if i dun understands myself.. The One who wun misinterpret me.. Coz i dun communicate with Him using words.. He sees the heart.. The only One.. Can i go back to Him?
Today.. the crow flew pass me 4 times.. It flew over my shoulders.. I ask God if He had something to tell me.. I din get my answer..

0601 outing

Today went for the 0601 outing.. Really love them so much.. You feel so comfortable, and real relax..
Ok, i admit i am emotional.. Have been trying to deny this, but i guess it is a fact.. But.. I can smile and smile ma, but sometimes i just dun like.. Why must i act tough in front of ppl i feel close too..
Felt quite vunerable for the past weeks.. I trying to be strong, coz ppl say i too emotional.. I can talk to my 0602 classmates.. They are quite fun to be with.. But.. I dunno.. When i am with oeisters, i really laugh.. really lame... enjoy the time when we share about the tutors we like/admire... haha... really can share.. and you feel relax..
i got make new friends in 0602.. Some whom i can really share with and laugh with also.. and mao mao is very nice... although sometimes he do things tht are quite shocking.. but still think he is an old chidish man.. opps..
and i really miss my 0601 combination of tutors.. haha.. tht includes Mr tong although i din take GP.. ALL of them are nice and good leh.. not kidding you man.. haha.. now.. ok la.. i like my GP tutor for the 1st week of school-ms victoria.. she remembers you one lorh.. then haha.. so nice.. some of the tutors you can just be so comfy with and they are not only tutors but can be friends you talk to..
i think i really emotional hor.. emotions are beautiful things, but i shouldn't let the evil one take me to a place i dun want to.. make me feel so miserable.. hehe.. these are some things someone important told me before.. :) i still trying to learn.. but i really dun get it leh?? i only show my feelings more than other ppl ma.. then hor.. ok ok.. i emotional ok.. haiz... but this is something unique about me.. i feel a lot.. haha..
Today is good friday.. I really wanna tell my friends and family how much Jesus loves us.. I really pray for chances when i can share Christ's love with my friends.. Something so important to me.. Haha.. The reason why i stayed in Nanyang..
God.. Thank You so much.. FOr loving me, for Jesus, for my familes, for my friends, for a chance to meet them.. I pray Lord that You will use me to share about Your grace and salvation to my dearies.. In Jesus Name i pray, Amen!

Torn Apart..

We must learn to let go.. Please... There is nothing to hold on anymore.. Or do you mean history?? Holding on to history.. i tell myself i need to look forward, i shall not dwell in history anymore.. easier said then done..
i am having a hard hard time.. a very very hard one.. miss 0601.. really wanna keep the spirit going.. but... it is not possible.. not at all.. then the more i spend time with the 0601 ppl, the more i can't pull out of it.. and the emotions get stronger and stronger each day.. the disappoinments, the sadness... and when i see how 0602 now tries very hard to bond with each other.. how they are trying to open up, to be true to one another.. and how much i dun dare to put in my emotions.. i feel so bad.. i wanna love them... in fact i do love them, individually.. but i really dun dare to love the class.. i love 0601.. first time i really love a class, cry becoz of a class... and i wanna do the same for 0602, but i dun dare... it hurts.. really.. so torn apart..
why can ppl seem so indifferent.. i am emotional??? too emotional?? my new class got 8 time-tables.. isn't it a lot also?? and gp tutor change, no more mr tong.. econs tutor change, no more mr nandwani.. no KI, no more mr seah and ms ng.. heart sinks..
The world changes.. But one thing i know.. God never change..
God i need you.. my little heart is wounded... broken into pieces.. i need you to mend it.. i need your comfort.. i need to use this heart to love again.. God.. guard my heart..

distracted, giving thanks

I told myself i cannot consume by all these thoughts.. But... But...

Yesterday Jun He tell me he accept Christ le.. So cool la.. I see how God has been working in this BROTHER since last year.. he told me he believe, but he just feel weird having a diff religion as his family.. then recently his sister accepted Christ, so he also accept Christ... And guess how did he recieve Jesus?? He said the sinners prayer by himself (with the Holy SPirit guiding him though)... Coz last year i share with him 4 spiritual law, then ask him to keep tht book, and then tell him he can say the prayer himself when he feel tht he is ready, and ask him to pray at home... HAha.. then he really say it by himself... haha... God is great!

Then my papa is starting to get closer and closer to God, yearning for God's words and to know Him more.. hehe... God is working in my papa...

So many things to give thanks to.. but i am so distracted...