shh......

Today so diu lian... Cried in front of Mrs Goh... But she is very nice... Really quite nice la... She listened to me talked today, patiently... Then prayed for me... Hee...
Today i cry leh... Why? Miss Chan leaving... So sad rite... Chemistry leh... Miss Chan is really good lorh... Then she is so nice... Hehe... And she leaves means the ??? also leaving... So sad:p
Haiz... i am a very emotional ppl... esp when ppl are concerned... haiz... haiz... ok i go study liao k... shhh.... KEEPS QUIETS!!!

The Amazing Father

Amen! Estee accepted Christ today...
God is good... Why... Coz He is!!!
He works in many ways... And He is just totally amazing... His will is not mine... He works in ways i can never imagine...
I was depressed for the past week... I cried... Felt helpless... Really helpless... But guess wad?? He not only din allow me to talk to many whom i wanna talk to... He really wants me to learn to rely on Him... FULLY, TOTALLY, WHOLEHEARTEDLY...
For no reasons... my com failed me... I couldn't sent email out... I couldn't type in my blog... I can't really convey my msg, feelings, emotions to others... U see the strangeness... I am someone who likes to share... And i can share with some ppl when i am sad... But i just couldn't talk last week... I felt weak... Tired...
But why did God let all this happen to me... He wants me to learn to pick myself up and grow IN Him... He wants to pick me up, HIMSELF... He does not want bro and sis to pick me up... He allowed my good friends close friends close ones to fail me... They wasn't there when i needed them... But one thing... He did used someone whom i am not close with to remind me that He is in charge...
He wants me to learn... In different phases... I may feel weak... Small... But He wants to use these feelings, these circumstances to mold me... Let me learn to be stronger, and rely on Him... I learnt to rely on bro and sis... i learnt to rely on my com... But when all these fails you, you notice tht wad u have to learn is rely on God...
But no matter wad... After i learn tht, He wants to rely on this ppl again... He wants me to love them... Just like how He loves me... He wants me to remember the importance of having fellowship with bro and sis... U know why these things keep going in circle... It is bcoz many things we have to revise it again and again... When we rely on ppl too much, God take them away... When we rely on com too much, He has His way of taking it away... He wants me to learn to rely on Him... And when i learn tht... He puts this things back into my life... But i am not perfect still... God constantly keeps watch of me... He understands my everything... And when things gets out of hand... He will put me thru trials again to remind me... To mold me to be someone pleasing to Him... It is a long process... And it is for life... And i know all these will only end when i am back home with Him for eternity...
Now tht i am okay, He puts the com back so tht i can use it... Amazing rite!!!!!!

Why?

U know... there are times where i can just sit there and dunno wad to do... lie on my sofa and eventually just falling asleep...
sometimes i just feel so down and so weird... u know i think tht God placed brothers and sisters in Christ, our parents, just those ppl, yah... He placed them there for us to feel loved... As in, He can't be there physically to be with us... And He knows very well tht as humans, we have a human body... we need physical contact with somebody else... He wants us to love others because He first loved us... He want us to love others with His love... So basically u yourself shld be able to experience others love... But u see... it has been weird for me... I get frustrated easily by ppl around me... i mean they may care for me, or in fact they care for me... they say they love me... they say i may not know but yes they love me... i think it is my problem huh... i dun really feel loved... sometimes i need them... i need to talk... i am not the hehe haha sihui they know... i am the hehe haha sihui who is constantly hurting inside... yes... i do find comfort in God... but like other humans i need someone else physically to listen to me... and u know it is funny tht those whom supposedly i can share with seems distant sometimes... ppl dun like to share with me izzit? i feel tht i am close to u... yet u dun feel this way... u know the kind of feeling...
and recently it is quite stress... when my friends around me tell me about my brothers and sisters in Christ... asking me why they like tht, why they can cheat in test, why they can ill talk other ppl.... at least to my friends i dun cheat in test, and i am considered quite forgiving and uderstanding towards others who wronged me... at least to them i analyse each problem... but i do grumble... i am not perfect... they know tht... but sometimes i may seem nice... yah... i am trying to be nice... i am learning how to be good... but i can't answer for my other bro and sis... and i dun wan to listen bad things abt them and forget it... bcoz this is not God wants... i will be listening to gossips... then wad am i suppose to do... talk to them? i tried actually... but wad can i say? hey u are wrong... i prayed for them... and is this wad i can do only?
see... there are so many things i wanna share with my friends... my christians friends... but it is hard sometimes...
recently something wrong with my body... i cnnt feel concern frm my bro and sis in all saints... maybe i din really tell them... funny la... but i felt it was cool when ginny and gang wanted to pray for me when they know wad happened to me... they have been the ones constantly encouraging me... even wan lin gave me a hug tht day... i wonder if ginny told her wad happened... or maybe ask her pray for me... but i thank God for them...
and suddenly daniel pop into my head... DANIEL... u are my coolest friend... the only one who left messages for me in this blog... thanks... u know sometimes u r really cool... really miss u leh... hehe... maybe nxt time we shall go out together... for a movie, musical, concert, wadeva... hehe... OK!!! we keep it in mind hor... really thank God for u...
hehe... after all... God did not deprive me of my bro/sis... sometimes He take them away so tht i can grow... so tht i may feel love in my family... so scary... just now got thunder... maybe tht is God signal... telling me tht He will never leave me...
yesterday i went for the spook show... wasn't tht great... but the sermon was GOOD... MANY came forward to believe Christ... thank God for tht... then i came out with something... Just a joke... "Be still and know tht I am God" u know why? coz heaven will be filled with His children... So congested tht we cannot move, so have to stand still and worship Him... hehe...

Lazy...

Recently very lazy... Dunno why also... Or shld i say i have been lazy, recently worst nia... Then i dunno leh...
Today guitar very cool leh! hehe... I mean... Very funny and encouraging... Guitar have been slacking... Everyone talking, doing their ow stuffs then dun wanna practice the SYF piece... Then quite cool when i ask them to practice together they quite cooperative... hehe... Then Mr Shi praise us... Not really la... He just say ok... good... But tht is when he counted for us... Then when he nv count we luan liao... But ok la... We manage to play together after tht...
Then today cao ji funny... today break hor... then Mr Shi ask me "how long u want"... i mean how am i suppose to know rite... so i stupidly answer "how long ar? 10cm???"
I tell u he was so piss off lorh... then he started laughing... I think i am very lame at times leh... always say stupid things one... hehe... but at least some of it make ppl laugh rite...
thinking of laugh... tht day i am suppose to write a chinese compo about something... then i told jia mian "eh... i am going to write a compo on toilet paper..." then he replied "huh?" then i say " i wanted to write on toilet bowl but could not find any info..." then he started luffing...
stupid one lorh... he thought i wanted to write my compo ON toilet paper... and it is even more amusing when i said i wanted to write ON toilet bowl... haha... i think it is stupid... so funny... then i started imagining myself writing a compo on toilet paper and toilet bowl... haha...
ok i sleeping liao... hope to dream of tht guy... tomorrow no need wake up early...

Dream

So many weird things happen recently... Gone crazy...
Yesterday i dreamt... And i fell in love... With a guy whom i never even met b4... May not even exist... Funny rite... I even wanted to skip school today so that i could continue sleeping...
Why like tht huh? How can i ever dream of someone i never met b4... Furthermore he is the main character leh... I cannot really remeber his face... I rmb he is not very shuai... But he is very nice... The scene is so realy lorh... With my friends and many ppl i know around me... Only diff is this guy...
Why like tht??? i dunno la... I am so in love with him... crazy liao...
Then i am so proud of Mr Goh Chok Tong... He is such a good Prime Minister... Haiz... But today handover liao... Ok la... I see the new PM Lee giving his speech... erm... i trust Mr Goh's judgement... It is great that he will still be staying in the cabinet as senior minister... although i dun like the thought of him being no.2... but ok lorh... at least he is still in... and it is great tht he said he wanna focus more on the international side... I think he is great... Built many bilateral relationship for Sg with many other nations... And i think he is very shuai lorh...
hehe... But we have moved into a new generation... Must have a new leader... then Singapore will have new dream new vision... With our two senior minister as support!!! WOW... it is going to be so cool...
I thank God, for He has placed me in Sg... And i wanna pray tht He will continue to watch over this island and our leaders... And i pray specifically for the salvation of our many ministers... I think many of them are non-christians... May the Lord open their eyes and hearts...

hehe

Really cool!!! When u put God b4 everything else... U experience Him everytime... In everything... I was upset... Could not find joy in many things tht i do... It is only when He is in the 1st place, then i will really experience the joy when doin things tht i feel stress about... Like on thursday i so sad... so down... feel so lousy... but during guitar, i told God tht am i going to bring these feelings to guitar? I mean ok lah... i feel stress but somehow i commit it to God... then ok lorh... during guitar i forgot alot of things... i just concentrate on wad i need to do in guitar... so it was ok...
Oh then yesterday i went to watch i-robot with my friends... wanted to watch mean girls... but finish liao... then i was so piss off... i dun like robotic show... starting of it i was like grumbling... then feel like sleeping like tht... Until i told myself, "hey! am i going to waste my money? am i going to waste my time here? God, show me wad u wan me to learn from this movie..." Hey... Even robots have purpose! they got 3 laws to follow... and when they follow, everything was good... until here comes a type of robot who did not follow... then the whole world became chaotic... then among them comes "sonny"... He could not find his purpose... Why did his "father" create him? He went to search for his purpose... Eventually found... And he fulfilled it... I think this reminds me of something tht happened in the bible...
God created men... He has a set of rules for us to follow... It was good when we go according to His plan... But when we disobey, everything became chaotic... Then "sonny", we are like him sometimes... searching for our purpose... And when we found it, everything was good... We have Jesus... He came down here to wash our sins... If we followed Him in the first place, everything would be fine... But we din, we caused our Creator to suffer... And right now... there are still ppl disobeying...
Funny rite... How we are worst then robots... Even robots have purpose... haha... Do we? I have!!!