Pray

God... As the people suffer in eternal burning fire now, as the souls are lost... May Your mercy be upon those who are alive... May Your glory be magnified in this world... Father... I may not understand why all these are happening... Wars, terrorists, earthquakes... Are all these happening because we have forgot that the end is coming? Are all these happening because many have lost the urgency to spread the gospel? In America, in Iraq... We din care... But now it hit S.E Asia... God... May Your Holy Spirit fill Your church, Your children... May we spread Your word, the gospel... Like never before... May Your children rise up... May You use us... And all these, according to Your will, not ours... Father, it hurts... It hurts to see so many people dying without knowing You... It hurts to see people dying without accepting You... It hurts even more to see people alive and well rejecting Your Name... I dunno wad i can do Father... I really dunno... I wanna runaway... But i can't... I promised to be Your faithful servant... You have given me the passion of evangelising... You have place ideas into my head, my heart, my soul... But Father, i really dunno wad to do... I want to see You now... I want to fill Your presence... I dun wanna be a cry baby... I wanna be strong... To know what to do... You know how all these things can affect me... God... You know... And You know how tired i am... Father... May Your strength and wisdom be upon me... I need the strength to complete my homework... God, I wanna glorify Your name... I wanna be a good testimony... I need to be a good testimony... I wanna spread Your word... I wanna be strong, spritually... God... May Your comfort be upon these people... Even when many are not Your child yet... God, speake to them... Holy Spirit, work in their hearts... Provide them with what they need, not only the materials, but the love the need so badly... May the lost souls be saved... May they see Your power through the many events that is happening... In Jesus Name i pray... Amen!

The events... They affects me... So much... Izzit money that they need? Yes... They want it, they have to build their homes... But so what if they can live for another 10,50 years... When one day, they will not be reunited with God... When they finds out tht they need to face judgement... When they finds out tht they have been rejecting a God who have given them chances to know Him... It will be too late coz they will be suffering much more then what they are suffering now... Pray...

Christmas blessings...

Haha... Today is monday... So tired... I think i won't be able to finish my homework... But i din wanna make my teacher upset... So later i will do a little k...
Christmas just over... But my heart is still burning and burning... Hehe... I thank God for all the blessings i recieved... So nice... I got a book on depression... A candle with a verse one... A study Bible!!!!!! and 2 marshmallow cushion... So nice... I say i like tht nice nice cushion then my sisters give me... Ke Li and Rachel give me 1 pig... Wan Ling give me one dog... So exciting... Then i like the cards...
I like words of affirmation... In a way... Recently... Or this year... i change in a way... i dunno izzit becoz of the way i express myself... I was thinking do i seems to be too proud? Hey but actually i am not... As in... I say i li hai is because i know i not very li hai... I say i good because i not very good... Then in a way ppl laugh mah... Then deep inside i know tht i am not hao lian... But recently i felt tht it is not how i feels tht really matters all the time... Sometimes ppl may just interpret it differently... Haiz...

Tht day after the Christmas service i went to batam... Haha... Nothing much actually... But Nope... I went to a malay service on sunday... Suppose to go to an english one but then late le... so i say i was thinking why not just go see a malay service la... i mean i just wanna see see lorh... They have their service in a hotel ballroom... And guess wad... there are just so many malays there... the ballroom is almost filled... at least the seats la... then wow... haha... i dun understand wad they singing... but when the pastor preaching i sort of understood... i think tht is the power of God... haha... so cool...

So wonderful to see malays worshiping God... Hey... Is Jesus k... You know how cool it is not... I see how wonderful God is... Many times we live in sg, we just limit ourselves and God here... When we go out there... we see how when men have faith, God uses us to do so many things... We see indians, malays and the china ppl... they are all children of God... It all strikes me so much... You know i was thinking... Why are we still here when we accept Christ... Not beacause He wants us to love Him here, serve Him here, fellowship here... We can do these in heaven... Why? Why must we face trials... To mould us... For wad? Hello... It is to serve the non christians here... To witness to them... We need to be onward Christ soldiers... To fight the battle against sars... NO... Agains bird flu... NO... Against Satan... wad is sars? wad is bird flu? Death... Wad is satan? Eternal burning fire... God created me for a purpose... By grace i am saved... And i thank Him so much... Wad else can i ask for... But for His grace to be upon so many other lost souls around... Oh my...

AHh.... haha... I wanna witness for Him!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna obey!!!!!!!!!

Haha... So funny...

Very tired... i think i really very clumsy... very slow... very easy lose focus one... will just say the wrong things... keli i call shi hui... shi hui i call keli... dunno wad i thinking also... then just so tired...
Recently very tired... Holiday not like holiday... Monday to sunday almost everyday in school... Wed abit free... But then november busy bout the camp and farewell... Now is the two christmas event coming up... that day morning guitar prac, afternoon yf christmas prac, night the church skit prac... then is december... going to school reopen liao... need to chiong homework... school reopen straight away test... Math test... Then consecutive 3 c.lit test... Ss assignment... History Mao Ze Dong... Chemistry... Physics... Chinese still got 2 books to read... Ahhhhh... Feel like fainting...
Then emotionally can't really cope well... Quite a number of things going on which affects me quite alot... Ahhhhhh... Feel like crying...
Cried... But hor... God carries me thru all these hard times... "You carried me, through all my trials... You carried me... When I was troubled and alone... When my strength had gone... Couldn't get along without You... You carried me... So I wouldn't stumble... You carried me... Just when I needed someone there... You would be a friend... And I reach the end because You carried me..."
Yup... He carried me when i was tired... Me very tired now... So I know He is carrying me... And hor... Today someone was there beside us... My silly brother Alvin... Did something so silly... Make me laugh so hard... Haha... I think I almost fell off Jesus back... But I am so safe when Jesus is there... Really very funny leh... Haha... Alvin never fails to make me laugh...
But I am still tired... Just feel like typing something nice here today... REally very funny... HAHAHAHAHA... HAHAHAHAHAHA... Very hard for me to describe one...
Haha... Very scary... I dream today... I was taking a 5-10mins nap... Then i dreamt tht si kai ge scold me... then i ran away from church... haha... then i wake up jia mian suddenly appear in front of me... scary rite... i tell alot of ppl they all diao me... not scary meh.... Recently i keep dreaming... I dream of school reopen, then i haven't finish homework... Haha... Thts why yu han say i too stress liao... Then alvin thought me how to destress... HAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahahahaha... SO funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok... thts all for now... i need to do my ss and history thingy... need to find Mao Ze Dong!!! ahhhhhhhhhhh!

Dun read plz...

dun read... really... i am upset... just need a place to type out my feelings... prob there wun be any human being from now onwards to really sit down and listen to me crap... feel kind of sad... but i dun wan anybody to know... really... i dun wan them to know tht i am sad... i feel weird inside... very very... can anybody tell me wad is all this about... i just needed to type about it... seems like it is not wad i tot... some things can't be controlled rite? forget about it then...

shh......

Today so diu lian... Cried in front of Mrs Goh... But she is very nice... Really quite nice la... She listened to me talked today, patiently... Then prayed for me... Hee...
Today i cry leh... Why? Miss Chan leaving... So sad rite... Chemistry leh... Miss Chan is really good lorh... Then she is so nice... Hehe... And she leaves means the ??? also leaving... So sad:p
Haiz... i am a very emotional ppl... esp when ppl are concerned... haiz... haiz... ok i go study liao k... shhh.... KEEPS QUIETS!!!

The Amazing Father

Amen! Estee accepted Christ today...
God is good... Why... Coz He is!!!
He works in many ways... And He is just totally amazing... His will is not mine... He works in ways i can never imagine...
I was depressed for the past week... I cried... Felt helpless... Really helpless... But guess wad?? He not only din allow me to talk to many whom i wanna talk to... He really wants me to learn to rely on Him... FULLY, TOTALLY, WHOLEHEARTEDLY...
For no reasons... my com failed me... I couldn't sent email out... I couldn't type in my blog... I can't really convey my msg, feelings, emotions to others... U see the strangeness... I am someone who likes to share... And i can share with some ppl when i am sad... But i just couldn't talk last week... I felt weak... Tired...
But why did God let all this happen to me... He wants me to learn to pick myself up and grow IN Him... He wants to pick me up, HIMSELF... He does not want bro and sis to pick me up... He allowed my good friends close friends close ones to fail me... They wasn't there when i needed them... But one thing... He did used someone whom i am not close with to remind me that He is in charge...
He wants me to learn... In different phases... I may feel weak... Small... But He wants to use these feelings, these circumstances to mold me... Let me learn to be stronger, and rely on Him... I learnt to rely on bro and sis... i learnt to rely on my com... But when all these fails you, you notice tht wad u have to learn is rely on God...
But no matter wad... After i learn tht, He wants to rely on this ppl again... He wants me to love them... Just like how He loves me... He wants me to remember the importance of having fellowship with bro and sis... U know why these things keep going in circle... It is bcoz many things we have to revise it again and again... When we rely on ppl too much, God take them away... When we rely on com too much, He has His way of taking it away... He wants me to learn to rely on Him... And when i learn tht... He puts this things back into my life... But i am not perfect still... God constantly keeps watch of me... He understands my everything... And when things gets out of hand... He will put me thru trials again to remind me... To mold me to be someone pleasing to Him... It is a long process... And it is for life... And i know all these will only end when i am back home with Him for eternity...
Now tht i am okay, He puts the com back so tht i can use it... Amazing rite!!!!!!

Why?

U know... there are times where i can just sit there and dunno wad to do... lie on my sofa and eventually just falling asleep...
sometimes i just feel so down and so weird... u know i think tht God placed brothers and sisters in Christ, our parents, just those ppl, yah... He placed them there for us to feel loved... As in, He can't be there physically to be with us... And He knows very well tht as humans, we have a human body... we need physical contact with somebody else... He wants us to love others because He first loved us... He want us to love others with His love... So basically u yourself shld be able to experience others love... But u see... it has been weird for me... I get frustrated easily by ppl around me... i mean they may care for me, or in fact they care for me... they say they love me... they say i may not know but yes they love me... i think it is my problem huh... i dun really feel loved... sometimes i need them... i need to talk... i am not the hehe haha sihui they know... i am the hehe haha sihui who is constantly hurting inside... yes... i do find comfort in God... but like other humans i need someone else physically to listen to me... and u know it is funny tht those whom supposedly i can share with seems distant sometimes... ppl dun like to share with me izzit? i feel tht i am close to u... yet u dun feel this way... u know the kind of feeling...
and recently it is quite stress... when my friends around me tell me about my brothers and sisters in Christ... asking me why they like tht, why they can cheat in test, why they can ill talk other ppl.... at least to my friends i dun cheat in test, and i am considered quite forgiving and uderstanding towards others who wronged me... at least to them i analyse each problem... but i do grumble... i am not perfect... they know tht... but sometimes i may seem nice... yah... i am trying to be nice... i am learning how to be good... but i can't answer for my other bro and sis... and i dun wan to listen bad things abt them and forget it... bcoz this is not God wants... i will be listening to gossips... then wad am i suppose to do... talk to them? i tried actually... but wad can i say? hey u are wrong... i prayed for them... and is this wad i can do only?
see... there are so many things i wanna share with my friends... my christians friends... but it is hard sometimes...
recently something wrong with my body... i cnnt feel concern frm my bro and sis in all saints... maybe i din really tell them... funny la... but i felt it was cool when ginny and gang wanted to pray for me when they know wad happened to me... they have been the ones constantly encouraging me... even wan lin gave me a hug tht day... i wonder if ginny told her wad happened... or maybe ask her pray for me... but i thank God for them...
and suddenly daniel pop into my head... DANIEL... u are my coolest friend... the only one who left messages for me in this blog... thanks... u know sometimes u r really cool... really miss u leh... hehe... maybe nxt time we shall go out together... for a movie, musical, concert, wadeva... hehe... OK!!! we keep it in mind hor... really thank God for u...
hehe... after all... God did not deprive me of my bro/sis... sometimes He take them away so tht i can grow... so tht i may feel love in my family... so scary... just now got thunder... maybe tht is God signal... telling me tht He will never leave me...
yesterday i went for the spook show... wasn't tht great... but the sermon was GOOD... MANY came forward to believe Christ... thank God for tht... then i came out with something... Just a joke... "Be still and know tht I am God" u know why? coz heaven will be filled with His children... So congested tht we cannot move, so have to stand still and worship Him... hehe...

Lazy...

Recently very lazy... Dunno why also... Or shld i say i have been lazy, recently worst nia... Then i dunno leh...
Today guitar very cool leh! hehe... I mean... Very funny and encouraging... Guitar have been slacking... Everyone talking, doing their ow stuffs then dun wanna practice the SYF piece... Then quite cool when i ask them to practice together they quite cooperative... hehe... Then Mr Shi praise us... Not really la... He just say ok... good... But tht is when he counted for us... Then when he nv count we luan liao... But ok la... We manage to play together after tht...
Then today cao ji funny... today break hor... then Mr Shi ask me "how long u want"... i mean how am i suppose to know rite... so i stupidly answer "how long ar? 10cm???"
I tell u he was so piss off lorh... then he started laughing... I think i am very lame at times leh... always say stupid things one... hehe... but at least some of it make ppl laugh rite...
thinking of laugh... tht day i am suppose to write a chinese compo about something... then i told jia mian "eh... i am going to write a compo on toilet paper..." then he replied "huh?" then i say " i wanted to write on toilet bowl but could not find any info..." then he started luffing...
stupid one lorh... he thought i wanted to write my compo ON toilet paper... and it is even more amusing when i said i wanted to write ON toilet bowl... haha... i think it is stupid... so funny... then i started imagining myself writing a compo on toilet paper and toilet bowl... haha...
ok i sleeping liao... hope to dream of tht guy... tomorrow no need wake up early...

Dream

So many weird things happen recently... Gone crazy...
Yesterday i dreamt... And i fell in love... With a guy whom i never even met b4... May not even exist... Funny rite... I even wanted to skip school today so that i could continue sleeping...
Why like tht huh? How can i ever dream of someone i never met b4... Furthermore he is the main character leh... I cannot really remeber his face... I rmb he is not very shuai... But he is very nice... The scene is so realy lorh... With my friends and many ppl i know around me... Only diff is this guy...
Why like tht??? i dunno la... I am so in love with him... crazy liao...
Then i am so proud of Mr Goh Chok Tong... He is such a good Prime Minister... Haiz... But today handover liao... Ok la... I see the new PM Lee giving his speech... erm... i trust Mr Goh's judgement... It is great that he will still be staying in the cabinet as senior minister... although i dun like the thought of him being no.2... but ok lorh... at least he is still in... and it is great tht he said he wanna focus more on the international side... I think he is great... Built many bilateral relationship for Sg with many other nations... And i think he is very shuai lorh...
hehe... But we have moved into a new generation... Must have a new leader... then Singapore will have new dream new vision... With our two senior minister as support!!! WOW... it is going to be so cool...
I thank God, for He has placed me in Sg... And i wanna pray tht He will continue to watch over this island and our leaders... And i pray specifically for the salvation of our many ministers... I think many of them are non-christians... May the Lord open their eyes and hearts...

hehe

Really cool!!! When u put God b4 everything else... U experience Him everytime... In everything... I was upset... Could not find joy in many things tht i do... It is only when He is in the 1st place, then i will really experience the joy when doin things tht i feel stress about... Like on thursday i so sad... so down... feel so lousy... but during guitar, i told God tht am i going to bring these feelings to guitar? I mean ok lah... i feel stress but somehow i commit it to God... then ok lorh... during guitar i forgot alot of things... i just concentrate on wad i need to do in guitar... so it was ok...
Oh then yesterday i went to watch i-robot with my friends... wanted to watch mean girls... but finish liao... then i was so piss off... i dun like robotic show... starting of it i was like grumbling... then feel like sleeping like tht... Until i told myself, "hey! am i going to waste my money? am i going to waste my time here? God, show me wad u wan me to learn from this movie..." Hey... Even robots have purpose! they got 3 laws to follow... and when they follow, everything was good... until here comes a type of robot who did not follow... then the whole world became chaotic... then among them comes "sonny"... He could not find his purpose... Why did his "father" create him? He went to search for his purpose... Eventually found... And he fulfilled it... I think this reminds me of something tht happened in the bible...
God created men... He has a set of rules for us to follow... It was good when we go according to His plan... But when we disobey, everything became chaotic... Then "sonny", we are like him sometimes... searching for our purpose... And when we found it, everything was good... We have Jesus... He came down here to wash our sins... If we followed Him in the first place, everything would be fine... But we din, we caused our Creator to suffer... And right now... there are still ppl disobeying...
Funny rite... How we are worst then robots... Even robots have purpose... haha... Do we? I have!!!

Love God so much!!!!!!

was so sad yesterday... Cried and cried... Felt abandoned by the whole world... I choose not to talk to God... Felt so helpless... Why am i going thru all these? I browsed through my whole list of no. and couldn't find someone to talk to.... "Hello, is ??? there? no? ok thanks..." most of them are not at home.....
Finally, i decided to call Dianne... We talked, and shared... She shared with me her experiences... I din noe she went thru so much things which i am going thru now... Learnt so much frm her... Felt God talking to me thru this sister... He reminded me tht i need to get back to Him... I was so sorry, i knelt and prayed... He dried my tears and renewed my heart... He give me strength again!!!
I love Him... Because He first loves me... who cares if i dun have a boyfriend to love me? who cares if i am going to be a nun nxt time? As long as i have God it is ok... He provides me with wad is best for me... And I will trust in Him... Even during times when i feel down... LOVE HIM SO much!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song i give thanks to HIM."    Psalms 28:7

so funny

Your Existing Situation
Sensitive; needs esthetic surroundings, or an equally sensitive and understanding partner with whom to share a warm intimacy.
Your Stress Sources
Has lost the resilience and strength of will necessary to contend with existing difficulties. Feels overtaxed and getting nowhere, but continues to stand her ground and still pursues her objectives with a fierce intensity. This subjects her to intolerable pressure from which she wants to escape, but she cannot bring herself to make the necessary decision. As a result she remains firmly involved in the problem and can neither view it objectively nor get rid of it--he cannot leave it alone and feels she will only be at peace when she has reached her objective.
Your Restrained Characteristics
Feels that she cannot do much about her existing problems and difficulties and that she must make the best of things as they are. Able to achieve satisfaction from sexual activity.
Circumstances are restrictive and hampering, forcing her to forgo all joys and pleasures for the time being.

Your Desired Objective
Hopes that ties of affection and good-fellowship will bring release and contentment. Her own need for approval makes her ready to be of help to others and in exchange she wants warmth and understanding. Open to new ideas and possibilities which she hopes will prove fruitful and interesting.
Your Actual Problem
The fear that she may be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her into a relentless search for satisfaction in the pursuit of illusory or meaningless activities.
Your Actual Problem #2
The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond her capabilities, or reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. She reacts by seeking outside confirmation of her ability and value in order to bolster her self-esteem. Inclined to blame others so that she may shift the blame from herself. Anxiously searching for solutions and prone to compulsive inhibitions and compulsive desires.

crazy

i think i am totally crazy... I dunno how to handle things... I dunno how to handle my emotions... I dunno how to handle my feelings... I feel like crying........ And sometimes i just laugh...... when i am not happy..... i suddenly get very high... i totally have no idea wad i am thinking..... No idea......... U know how irritating it is when u dunno wad to do........ i wanna tell God... But something is wrong somewhere........... I dunno wad................. suddenly just cried.... dunno wad happen.... ppl think i am scary... yah this is wad i am...

Assurance of God

I was feeling stress... Wanted to talk to ppl but i can't..... Felt depressed.... Discouraged.... Totally stress out...
But God always assures me tht He will not leave me alone like tht... He may not allow me to talk to someone i wanna talk to But He always give me someone special to pick me up...
Hehe... So happy...... Although still stress out... Dunno wad to do also... But i am going to focus on God... Coz i wanna Love Him more than anything else in this world...
 
 

unique :)

U never know how much it means to to be called unique...
Being special to someone...
Being treasured by someone...
Someone who is unique...
hehe... not only unique to God, but unique to a person :)
so happy....

Our Heart for GOD!!!

I want to Love You... I want to see Your face... I want to Love You more...
 
Sometimes i think... Life is so fragile... We never know when we will die... May be the next second, next year, 5 years later, 15 years later... We never know... Our days on earth are numbered... And days on earth are preparations for our time wif God eternity... And everyday is precious... Every day is for God... Every second... We were made for God...
Someone said "if we passed a day w/o knowing God more, w/o loving Him deeper, we have wasted the day!"
It is true isn't it... Are we going to waste the day??? It is scary how u look around you and you see the ppl around u turning upside down... Are we going to obey God and let Him use us... He loves us to the extent He is willing to die for us on the cross then live w/o us!!!!! He could have saved Himself - but He couldn't have saved you!!!!!!! I love Him... Forever!!!!!!!!! With all my heart, all my soul and all my strength!!!!!! ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So excited...

So exciting... Someone came back to school... So cute, so exciting.... lalala... so many things happen suddenly... so excited about everything... tests... so stress... but very exciting also...!!!!!!!!