I mentioned the other time that i would be having some reflections on sin... not that i have already reflected upon them... Just that i've learnt recently more about ppl's sins, and my own...
I guess everyone has his/her own struggles... not i guess.. i know... and many times, you can't based on how it looks on the surface...
i was talking to some ppl about how you really cannot judge the other ppl based on looks... most ppl says first impression counts... i guess it is true for all ppl... for me, it used to be the first impression, you must give me the "decent" look... give an example... Mr Pereira and Mr Chee... Based on looks, i would have a better impression on Mr Pereira rather than Mr Chee, though the latter is much better looking and "cooler"... but Mr Chee spikes his hair and is quite fashionable.. and... i sometimes dun really understand why sometimes these ppl must waste their time spiking their hairs.. on the contrary, Mr Pereira dun spikes his hair, he has this toot toot image, and i just kind of like such serious ppl... Jia Mian was like that or is like that also... Ok... Back to Mr Pio and Mr Chee... As times pass, i got to know Mr Chee better and he is really soooo nice la... and Mr Pio is not that nice after all, he made me cry more than once becoz of math... So basically my impression changed after i got to know ppl more...
My point... I used to sterotype ppl based on whether they dye or spike their hair.. I dun really like... I don't show it... but... i guess i would feel in my heart, "these ppl wun fall in my category of heart attacks." haha... ok... this is a small point... My bigger point is... i guess all of us have our own struggles... maybe some ppl would prefer to spent more time on their hair or clothes... you see... just different... like how i spent more time on lazing around.. that is my struggle... just tht the former one is my evident... lazing around is something i do in my private sphere... oh well...
this is suppose to be a more serious post... really realised about how one's sins can affect ppl around him/her... i guess i am hurt... ok... i am hurt... but... i know Daddy is going to bring me thru...
it is time i face my sins too... anw... i hereby declare that yup... i can sense it again... i can sense the tearing apart of my soul and my heart... how it is coming again... just like how it came a few years back... the hurts are coming back... but it once again teaches me to rely on Him...
"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:14-25
Mrs Goh shared this passage with me the other time when i am upset... when i am dragged down by all the things that is happening around me... when all the evil things are happening around me... God is the only one picking me up from this body of death.
"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
Yup... His power is made perfect in my weaknesses...
Sins... How i long to leave it...
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Going back to the original
I wonder if anyone actually came to my blog when it became PINK... Hmm...
I've told some friends about how i am learning to explore technology and how i am just so excited when i learn how to change my blog template... No.. you are not seeing things... it is black again!
I kept the links.. coz actually i originally just wanted to add the Hedonese and agora link... They are really cool! And than as i explore... i realised i could change some stuffs... oh well... i guess due to my weird mood recently, i clicked on that weird pink background... but the more i think about it... the more i feel that it is soo not me... just not me... so.... after putting it up for about 2 days... i changed it back...
not that i love black... but becoz i really want to keep this blog simple.. not as if the previous skin was fanciful... in fact, it is not... haha... but i still think the colours are too distracting... and... i really like plain plain stuffs... not that i am a plain girl... maybe i am boring (the things that i do)... but i am not plain...
and... i am even thinking of removing pris's and ruo yi's blog links... why? hmm... i think i am still not use to the idea of linking here and there... and.. i was just thinking that if i am not going to remove it, does it mean that i am going to put ppl like tian tian and kelly they all blog links on my blog too (since i forget their blog address often...)... Oh well... i am still deciding... you will know the answer when you see either addition or subtraction to my blog links... but.. if i add links like agora, it is really simply becoz i wanna connect ppl who reads my blog (which i wonder how many) to other christian authors around or to other thinkers around... guess it allows me to broaden my worldview and i want my friends to broaden their worldview as well... haha... i am not trying to say that my friends' blogs are myopic... it is more about personal life right? that's why i am unsure... once again.. when i've decided you will see from the links...
Something to share besides my "going back to original"... Ah tong shared during the religion lecture that the world dominated by science will be a world govern by human mind... logic... oh well... and right now... as we are govern by physical laws.. no secular laws have existed that could control the meta-physical realm, our mind included... It is part of our private morality...
"Private morality is a matter of the heart. It lies in the unseen realm of our inner worlds of thoughts, emotions and values.
The hands of the law are to short to transform and empower the society to be a "pious, religious, disciplines, dignified, noble and trustworthy society." -An extract from the hedonese blog...
When it comes to secular law, maybe it din mean to transform the world to be religious in the first place... But the least it seeks to attain is to make our society trustworthy.. If this world is govern by human mind-logic, and nothing else... can we really become a trustworthy society? what value systems would influence the human mind? How do we even ensure the so called "logic" is logical in the first place... In the age of uncertainty, how can one be certain of an absolute law that can allow ALL mankind to trust?
I am tired... Hopefully i get to think deeper in this area.. Right now i am not going to dig deeper... REcently i learnt something about sin... Haven't really reflect on it yet (maybe i will when i go to the toilet later)... So i am not going to type my disorganised thoughts here...
Another thing i have been learning recently (may be days, months or may be a year) is about God using His people in the market place... Pastor Lawrence shared with me about the fact that there should be influential Christians entering the market place... And he was wondering if i would want to be an economist next time... And how i read about soo many talents going into full-time ministry... NOTHING is wrong with that... Just that how can those Christians in the marketplace influence others than... And how God has been teaching me about shining wherever you are...
I shared with Kanitta (KeLi) the other day that i think God has been treating me like Isaiah... Pastor Dai was sharing about how God din CALL Isaiah by name asking him to go here and go there... God appeared and has somewhere in mind He wants to reach out to, and asked "WHom shall I send, and who will go for us?" "Here am I, send me!" Isaiah replied... (Isaiah 6:8)
I guess when Isaiah had such a close encounter with God, all he wanted to do was to serve His Lord forever..
I always wonder where God "called" me to go... Like how Dianne and Kanitta have quite clear vision of where God wants them to go.. Just like how God called Jonah and all... But i don't really have.. I know i want to be a preacher... And i know that if one day God calls me for full-time ministry, i will go... But i really dunno...
And i think until this stage of me life... God hasn't called me like the way He called Jonah... I have no specific place to go... And God taught me that it is alright... He speaks to different people differently, and His plans are just soo cool that I won't understand.. And... Why i say He is treating me like Isaiah... It is not like as if other JCs have no need... Not like other place have no need... But right there and than, when i had an amazing accounter with my Lord and when He showed me this JC, i was like "ok i will go..." I MUST admit that i really don't have as much faith as i have at the later stage (after my 1st three months)... by than i was a bit like Jonah... But it was not reluctance... It was more of fear... But i continued on anyway...
And ya.. So i've learnt that i am going to be like Isaiah, telling God that I am ready... Whenever He shows me a place and He wants me to go, i will go...
I am praying... And I know all He desire of me now is to obey Him and love Him like a child... And i am struggling with sins... ANd like Paul, i know what i am suppose to do... But i still fall... And i am learning... Original sins... Original love... God's love was original, and He died for my original sins, and He wants me to go back to my original faith...
Hee... So exciting and confusing... And I really love my ah ma! she may need to go for an eye operation... haha.. i told her that she must go leh... coz like that she can help me see my husband-to-be next time with a clearer view... hahahahahaha.... silly me...
I've told some friends about how i am learning to explore technology and how i am just so excited when i learn how to change my blog template... No.. you are not seeing things... it is black again!
I kept the links.. coz actually i originally just wanted to add the Hedonese and agora link... They are really cool! And than as i explore... i realised i could change some stuffs... oh well... i guess due to my weird mood recently, i clicked on that weird pink background... but the more i think about it... the more i feel that it is soo not me... just not me... so.... after putting it up for about 2 days... i changed it back...
not that i love black... but becoz i really want to keep this blog simple.. not as if the previous skin was fanciful... in fact, it is not... haha... but i still think the colours are too distracting... and... i really like plain plain stuffs... not that i am a plain girl... maybe i am boring (the things that i do)... but i am not plain...
and... i am even thinking of removing pris's and ruo yi's blog links... why? hmm... i think i am still not use to the idea of linking here and there... and.. i was just thinking that if i am not going to remove it, does it mean that i am going to put ppl like tian tian and kelly they all blog links on my blog too (since i forget their blog address often...)... Oh well... i am still deciding... you will know the answer when you see either addition or subtraction to my blog links... but.. if i add links like agora, it is really simply becoz i wanna connect ppl who reads my blog (which i wonder how many) to other christian authors around or to other thinkers around... guess it allows me to broaden my worldview and i want my friends to broaden their worldview as well... haha... i am not trying to say that my friends' blogs are myopic... it is more about personal life right? that's why i am unsure... once again.. when i've decided you will see from the links...
Something to share besides my "going back to original"... Ah tong shared during the religion lecture that the world dominated by science will be a world govern by human mind... logic... oh well... and right now... as we are govern by physical laws.. no secular laws have existed that could control the meta-physical realm, our mind included... It is part of our private morality...
"Private morality is a matter of the heart. It lies in the unseen realm of our inner worlds of thoughts, emotions and values.
The hands of the law are to short to transform and empower the society to be a "pious, religious, disciplines, dignified, noble and trustworthy society." -An extract from the hedonese blog...
When it comes to secular law, maybe it din mean to transform the world to be religious in the first place... But the least it seeks to attain is to make our society trustworthy.. If this world is govern by human mind-logic, and nothing else... can we really become a trustworthy society? what value systems would influence the human mind? How do we even ensure the so called "logic" is logical in the first place... In the age of uncertainty, how can one be certain of an absolute law that can allow ALL mankind to trust?
I am tired... Hopefully i get to think deeper in this area.. Right now i am not going to dig deeper... REcently i learnt something about sin... Haven't really reflect on it yet (maybe i will when i go to the toilet later)... So i am not going to type my disorganised thoughts here...
Another thing i have been learning recently (may be days, months or may be a year) is about God using His people in the market place... Pastor Lawrence shared with me about the fact that there should be influential Christians entering the market place... And he was wondering if i would want to be an economist next time... And how i read about soo many talents going into full-time ministry... NOTHING is wrong with that... Just that how can those Christians in the marketplace influence others than... And how God has been teaching me about shining wherever you are...
I shared with Kanitta (KeLi) the other day that i think God has been treating me like Isaiah... Pastor Dai was sharing about how God din CALL Isaiah by name asking him to go here and go there... God appeared and has somewhere in mind He wants to reach out to, and asked "WHom shall I send, and who will go for us?" "Here am I, send me!" Isaiah replied... (Isaiah 6:8)
I guess when Isaiah had such a close encounter with God, all he wanted to do was to serve His Lord forever..
I always wonder where God "called" me to go... Like how Dianne and Kanitta have quite clear vision of where God wants them to go.. Just like how God called Jonah and all... But i don't really have.. I know i want to be a preacher... And i know that if one day God calls me for full-time ministry, i will go... But i really dunno...
And i think until this stage of me life... God hasn't called me like the way He called Jonah... I have no specific place to go... And God taught me that it is alright... He speaks to different people differently, and His plans are just soo cool that I won't understand.. And... Why i say He is treating me like Isaiah... It is not like as if other JCs have no need... Not like other place have no need... But right there and than, when i had an amazing accounter with my Lord and when He showed me this JC, i was like "ok i will go..." I MUST admit that i really don't have as much faith as i have at the later stage (after my 1st three months)... by than i was a bit like Jonah... But it was not reluctance... It was more of fear... But i continued on anyway...
And ya.. So i've learnt that i am going to be like Isaiah, telling God that I am ready... Whenever He shows me a place and He wants me to go, i will go...
I am praying... And I know all He desire of me now is to obey Him and love Him like a child... And i am struggling with sins... ANd like Paul, i know what i am suppose to do... But i still fall... And i am learning... Original sins... Original love... God's love was original, and He died for my original sins, and He wants me to go back to my original faith...
Hee... So exciting and confusing... And I really love my ah ma! she may need to go for an eye operation... haha.. i told her that she must go leh... coz like that she can help me see my husband-to-be next time with a clearer view... hahahahahaha.... silly me...
Friday, July 06, 2007
Inquiring
"I am a Christian. But I am an academic as well."
Well... Seems like a dual role... But being an academic is actually a subset of being a Christian. It is not mutually exclusive. It is not like I am a Christian and I am a atheist. This 2 are mutually exclusive. It cannot co-exist.
Anw... Going back to my point... Why did i type the first statement? We had GP lessons at Ah Tong's place today, and there was a follow-up on the conflicts between science and religion (mainly the monotheistic ones).. And there were lots of qns, taking into consideration it was already about 10.. I have a few classmates who are quite atheistic in nature, or they do not believe in a creator of the universe. To be more specific, they find a lot of inconsistency or doubt the truth in the Christian Bible. I think Ah Tong has been giving quite a neutral viewpoint on creation and evolution.. To the extent that someone actually pop up the question. "Why are you so neutral? You free thinker ar?" I thought they always knew he was a Christian since i remember hearing him mentioning it before.. Ya lor... Than he say "No, I am a Christian." Than someone probe further... "So you believe in creation?"... "I dunno, i am still finding answers myself.. I am a Christian, but i am an academic as well." He replied, giving me a look that seems to be telling me that, "do you understand what that means?"..
This guy always spur me to think... Haha... Taking into consideration i am already a thinker.. He is a Christian, supposedly having the truth.. Yet being an academic, he wants and is suppose to study more and find out more.. 以信求知！I think as Christians, we receive the grace from God, enabling us to have the faith in Him, and we than seek to gain more knowledge of Him.. And i always believe and know that knowledge of the world just draws us closer to the creator when we already have this relationship with Him. The head of the human geonome project once said that the moment of discovery of the human genes enabled him to catch a glimpse into God's mind. It was something that he never knew but God knew it all along..
As an inquirer in the world, we seek the answers to unexplained phenomenum in the world, we analyse situations, trends, do all sorts of different thing to gain knowledge.. Would we disprove the existence of God, the creator of the world we see as we find more answers? I don't really understand mentalities of atheist or skeptics yet.. Some of them argues that science can reinforce your faith if you are already a believer as there are supposedly evidence to prove the event written in your sacred text (like the parting of the red sea) but to a non-believer, it holds no meaning.. But.. the very reason why the person is a non-believer, is becoz he don't believe it to be true.. If there are evidence to show that it may be true, and it still holds no meaning to you... than isn't it a state of denial instead? It may not be concrete evidence... But it shows a greater possibility of what this religion is trying to say is true.. are there benefits of being a skeptic or an atheist? I really don't understand... Maybe i would go find out more about skeptics and atheist..
Really, inquiring is good.. But... SO what is i know a lot but ultimately refuse to enter into a relationship with this God? Just for temporal recognition of being know as a smart chap? Come on... So what if you canbe smart for 70 years? Are people sometimes putting their eternity at stake? I can know a lot about President Bush, but would it make a difference if i don't have a relationship with him? In comparison, by knowing more about my father, i learn to do things that will please him and learn to accept him for who he is... The same way with God... SO what if we know a lot yet have no relationship with Him? He is like a King, extending His invitation for us to have an opportunity to be in full communion with Him, and through these, can get to know Him more... But some people choose not to... They choose to analyse Him from afar, trying means to disprove His soverignty, His power, and even His existence.. Some knows a lot, but it won't make a difference in their life...
Ok... I am kind of tired after a day of history, GP and thinking... I think i need time to rest... God.. Help me to learn to love You more throught my questions and my thoughts..
Well... Seems like a dual role... But being an academic is actually a subset of being a Christian. It is not mutually exclusive. It is not like I am a Christian and I am a atheist. This 2 are mutually exclusive. It cannot co-exist.
Anw... Going back to my point... Why did i type the first statement? We had GP lessons at Ah Tong's place today, and there was a follow-up on the conflicts between science and religion (mainly the monotheistic ones).. And there were lots of qns, taking into consideration it was already about 10.. I have a few classmates who are quite atheistic in nature, or they do not believe in a creator of the universe. To be more specific, they find a lot of inconsistency or doubt the truth in the Christian Bible. I think Ah Tong has been giving quite a neutral viewpoint on creation and evolution.. To the extent that someone actually pop up the question. "Why are you so neutral? You free thinker ar?" I thought they always knew he was a Christian since i remember hearing him mentioning it before.. Ya lor... Than he say "No, I am a Christian." Than someone probe further... "So you believe in creation?"... "I dunno, i am still finding answers myself.. I am a Christian, but i am an academic as well." He replied, giving me a look that seems to be telling me that, "do you understand what that means?"..
This guy always spur me to think... Haha... Taking into consideration i am already a thinker.. He is a Christian, supposedly having the truth.. Yet being an academic, he wants and is suppose to study more and find out more.. 以信求知！I think as Christians, we receive the grace from God, enabling us to have the faith in Him, and we than seek to gain more knowledge of Him.. And i always believe and know that knowledge of the world just draws us closer to the creator when we already have this relationship with Him. The head of the human geonome project once said that the moment of discovery of the human genes enabled him to catch a glimpse into God's mind. It was something that he never knew but God knew it all along..
As an inquirer in the world, we seek the answers to unexplained phenomenum in the world, we analyse situations, trends, do all sorts of different thing to gain knowledge.. Would we disprove the existence of God, the creator of the world we see as we find more answers? I don't really understand mentalities of atheist or skeptics yet.. Some of them argues that science can reinforce your faith if you are already a believer as there are supposedly evidence to prove the event written in your sacred text (like the parting of the red sea) but to a non-believer, it holds no meaning.. But.. the very reason why the person is a non-believer, is becoz he don't believe it to be true.. If there are evidence to show that it may be true, and it still holds no meaning to you... than isn't it a state of denial instead? It may not be concrete evidence... But it shows a greater possibility of what this religion is trying to say is true.. are there benefits of being a skeptic or an atheist? I really don't understand... Maybe i would go find out more about skeptics and atheist..
Really, inquiring is good.. But... SO what is i know a lot but ultimately refuse to enter into a relationship with this God? Just for temporal recognition of being know as a smart chap? Come on... So what if you canbe smart for 70 years? Are people sometimes putting their eternity at stake? I can know a lot about President Bush, but would it make a difference if i don't have a relationship with him? In comparison, by knowing more about my father, i learn to do things that will please him and learn to accept him for who he is... The same way with God... SO what if we know a lot yet have no relationship with Him? He is like a King, extending His invitation for us to have an opportunity to be in full communion with Him, and through these, can get to know Him more... But some people choose not to... They choose to analyse Him from afar, trying means to disprove His soverignty, His power, and even His existence.. Some knows a lot, but it won't make a difference in their life...
Ok... I am kind of tired after a day of history, GP and thinking... I think i need time to rest... God.. Help me to learn to love You more throught my questions and my thoughts..
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