why the title "resolving"? guess it is a time to resolve some stuffs within and without.. hehee... sounds wrong...
wanted to update my blog quite a few times... things has been not going quite right... but i dun want to grumble... and i want to learn to face problems with God, not with the computer.. well... "trusting in God..." yup... though i have changed my nick today, but the trusting process will go on till the day i go back to Him in heaven..
i remember saying that i seldom update my blog unless i really cannot take it.. need a place to type how i feel.. "cannot take it" may mean that i am consume by thoughts or emotions or ideas... hehe... so the term may not be negative... at least not in my context...
well... one year pass by quickly... i remembered last year, i was still a sec 4 student... looking back at the past one year, God has been gracious... I learnt a lot, cried a lot, laugh a lot, fell a lot, doubt a lot... and He was with me all the time... to teach, to dry my tears, to laugh with me, to pick me up, to answer.. assuring me that all i need to do is listen, trust and obey... it definitely was not easy, many times i failed to do so.. but one thing i learnt... a man's failure does not determine God's failure... becoz He is who He is, He dun fail, He just makes everything beautiful in His time...
there was many changes in life... i made some real good friends in college... ppl who laugh with me, study with me, shared with me.. God blessed me with them.. and i want to be their blessings as well.. sometimes i dunno how, sometimes i fail... but well... it is only one year... i know we have many more years to go.. i promise to invite them to my wedding at the parade square.. i wun forget.. and even if i do, i have a back up plan! (opps.. inside joke) i was wondering am i really quirky? well... i just like to see ppl around me happy.. so wad if i look silly.. hehe...
resolving... yup... resolving some of my feelings... yes... once again, sihui is emotional... and i really love ppl around me... really really love them.. and it definitely include papaya, honeydew and my favourite heYdi! (opps... another inside joke..) but wad is inside joke? i actually do not really hide my feelings for ppl.. and i guess this is why some ppl gets confuse... well.. i love ppl around me... but ppl like papaya and honeydew and my favourite heYdi are special in my life.. see... i love all of us becoz of the qualities we have since we are created after God's own image.. tht's y i love oreo coz i think he is nice in his own ways.. (opps.. another one..) but i specially love the 2 fruits and heYdi becoz.. hehe... they are attractive to me wad!
resolving... ya lorh... need to resolve my feelings for those i kind of find it hard to love.. haiz... ppl who has been hurting me real badly..
resolving.. also for those who use to have a special place in my heart but i am feeling hurt recently becoz of them... sometimes it is just weird.. it is not like how i love papaya n gang... it is different... it is how you used to be able to share but now u can't... and the feeling you have when you are around them.. it just feels weird... it is not only tht one person... but ya.. there is this special one whom i am tired with recently.. trying to get him out of tht special place... it is actually my fault actually.. i din make the effort to know him better.. but... i am tired of feeling weird/hurt becoz of him.. well.. guess yup... i need to resolve this...
hee.. i got to know this iron man from my school better recently.. he is a christian as well.. and he is like so cool.. so postive.. so encouraging... and like.. haha.. sometimes so like me.. and he is 18... from china.. and.. kind of like him... hey! but at least he is of my age.. ppl has been saying i only like mature old man.. no lorh.. iron man is not old.. papaya is not tht old either... and.. i like them coz they are mature, sensitive and will make a loving father... hey.. but papaya is not sensitive! well... haha.. means i dun like him the way ppl think i do...
resolving... well... i guess it is a process tht will go on...
a pessimist sees a hole.. an optimist sees a donut...
i see God!
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Praying for my husband
Hehe...Today this chen ye wei chuan dao aka Pastor Ezekial came to preach for sat service... He is soooo shuai (to me)... and... probably becoz i wanna be a preacher also, so i was attracted to him... Then he dun have a wedding ring.. sooo... it is highly possible tht he is still single...
hehe... But... i was focus during sat service.. Focus on God :) And i was listening to the pastor preaching... and i learn a lot from him about God also... :)
then hor, i must admit i am very mesmerise by him.. hehe.. then was kind of happy when he smiled at me! but... i realise i was distracted... so i decided to keep myself calm... oh, but... still feeling a bit... hehe... guess i have a crush on him... but this kind of things will go on... coz i love man of God...
Well.. this sets me thinking.. and i was being reminded tht... "a godly man may not be the right man..."
Ok.. so wad i concluded today with Ke Li is tht... I will start praying for my husband today... i hope he will be a preacher also... a pastor... someone i meet in trinity college maybe... hehe... so exciting to meet him... waiting in anticipation... ya... so i will pray.. and when the day comes, i will tell him " I have been praying for you since 24 June 2006!" So exciting right.. I wonder how the man God prepared for me will be like...
What if ultimately God wants me to stay single? Well, i guess it will be alright too, coz i know He is my ultimate focus! though i would want a man to grow with me in the word of God and raise kids together! :)
yeah.. so today's entry is to commemorate this day! so i can keep track! hehe... and remind myself to pray... :)
hehe... But... i was focus during sat service.. Focus on God :) And i was listening to the pastor preaching... and i learn a lot from him about God also... :)
then hor, i must admit i am very mesmerise by him.. hehe.. then was kind of happy when he smiled at me! but... i realise i was distracted... so i decided to keep myself calm... oh, but... still feeling a bit... hehe... guess i have a crush on him... but this kind of things will go on... coz i love man of God...
Well.. this sets me thinking.. and i was being reminded tht... "a godly man may not be the right man..."
Ok.. so wad i concluded today with Ke Li is tht... I will start praying for my husband today... i hope he will be a preacher also... a pastor... someone i meet in trinity college maybe... hehe... so exciting to meet him... waiting in anticipation... ya... so i will pray.. and when the day comes, i will tell him " I have been praying for you since 24 June 2006!" So exciting right.. I wonder how the man God prepared for me will be like...
What if ultimately God wants me to stay single? Well, i guess it will be alright too, coz i know He is my ultimate focus! though i would want a man to grow with me in the word of God and raise kids together! :)
yeah.. so today's entry is to commemorate this day! so i can keep track! hehe... and remind myself to pray... :)
Monday, June 19, 2006
Beach
Went to the beach today after choir prac... Hehe..
Who was there? My papa, mama, didi, Ah Ma, 5 Gu, 5 Gu Zhang, Ah Mei Jie, En En, 4 Gu, Sally Jie, xiao shu, xiao shen, si min, si ying, our three maids... 18 of us.. haha.. and this is only 4 out of 12 family, erm actually got 16 family... haha...
Opps.. tht wasn't the main reason why i type this blog.. i usually dun update on this kind of things.. haha.. okok.. i will start on wad i wanna share about..
My Ah Ma is 80 this year.. And i really love her so soo sooo much... wad happen today? She decided to go down to the beach and soak herself in water.. (swimming if u would call it??)... the waves was *large?*.. and after hesistating for dunno how long.. she decided to go down.. so she pass her bag to me and walk down.. dun be silly.. how would i allow her to go down herself? i walk with her.. it was quite exciting.. about 10+ years ago, our big family use to go to the beach together often, and we will play in the water together, with my Ah Ma.. she was 60+,70 then... i guess she just wanted to swim again.. now swimming pool cannot wear home clothes le so she haven't been able to soak herself in water (taking into considerations her body condition as well).. but i know she yearns to be in the water again, she shared with me before (not explicitly though).. many times when we bring her to the beach, she wouldn't wanna go down to the water.. think she scared (body conditions and old age i guess).. But this time.. she wanna go down.. so i held her hands..
As we walk down, i signalled to my dad who was in the water, asking him to come and help my ah ma (i couldn't help my ah ma any further, i was wearing jeans and a quite nice top with covered shoes and socks..) as my ah ma walk further down,i called my brother over so that he can walk down with her..(he wearing shorts..)... i stood down, and watch them walk further down, then i see my dad and my bro trying to hold my ah ma, getting her to sit down on the sand.. my my, the next moment the waves come and she fell back.. after a while she turned over (meaning her face was facing the ground).. the waves was too strong.. i panic and i just couldn't stand watching the way my dad and my bro held my ah ma.. although she was smiling (i think she was enjoying herself) but i still dun feel save watching her in my dad and bro arms.. i took off my shoes and socks, turn back to get someone to carry my ah ma's bag.. it was then tht i realised a lot of ppl was looking at my ah ma, apparently finding her admirable? amusing?? i dunno.. but my gu gu(s) was asking me to ask ah ma come up, very paiseh.. i pass the bag to one of them and rush down to the waters..i held my ah ma up, make sure she was alright.. then saw the smile on her face.. then suddenly, my xiao shu came down and held my ah ma up, asking her to come up quickly, "very paiseh leh"... then they pull her up with my daddy.. i was holding her hands.. after tht when going up, my xiao shu walk away quite angrily, then my gu gu came down to say tht it was very paiseh..
i stood there.. feeling a bit weird.. i wondered how my ah ma is feeling.. but i held her, told her it is alright.. she was still smiling, but it was a bit diff.. i got her clothes and stuffs, and walk with her to bathe.. barefooted, we walk, i ask her if she had fun, she said yes and smiled.. my jeans was heavy, but i was happy.. i walk in with her to the cubicle (ya, see her bathe.. haha..).. i told her she just had water baptism.. i told her i prayed just now, and she now belongs to Jesus! she laugh.. and she say, "aiya, just wanted to go down and wash away the past only".. Oh my.. haha.. i told her " ya lor, this is baptism lorh.." then i told her how happy i will be when one day she really calls God her saviour, and then i will fang(4) xin(1).. (all these convo is in teochew.. haha)..
i stood in the cubicle, was splashed by the water, seems to be showers of blessings on me.. i treasure every moment spent with my ah ma.. i know she is happy too.. and i know how much she loves this grand daughter of hers..
i guess we show love to my ah ma differently.. but sometimes we care more about how the world look at us more than we care about the person we want to show love to..
i really love my ah ma.. i am not sure if she recieved the salvation anot.. i will continue praying.. for her and for my family..
she is 80 yrs old.. how many more days, months, or years do i have with her? would she see me get married? would she get to carry my child? or would i go before her?
just wanna share this with you guys who happen to see this entry.. treasure the time you have to spent with your love ones.. only with God, we'll then be able to spent eternity with each other, in love.. I guess the reason why i tend to love so many ppl is becoz of God.. my character also maybe, but then again, i am created and mould by Him.. hehe.. He is my Father.. Oh!! Happy Father's Day again to my Heavenly Father!
hehe.. i went with my papa to eat dinner with my ah ma, didi, and maid at night.. actually a lot of things happen today.. maybe i will share more again the next entry... hehe :)
remember, show love while you can.. :)
Who was there? My papa, mama, didi, Ah Ma, 5 Gu, 5 Gu Zhang, Ah Mei Jie, En En, 4 Gu, Sally Jie, xiao shu, xiao shen, si min, si ying, our three maids... 18 of us.. haha.. and this is only 4 out of 12 family, erm actually got 16 family... haha...
Opps.. tht wasn't the main reason why i type this blog.. i usually dun update on this kind of things.. haha.. okok.. i will start on wad i wanna share about..
My Ah Ma is 80 this year.. And i really love her so soo sooo much... wad happen today? She decided to go down to the beach and soak herself in water.. (swimming if u would call it??)... the waves was *large?*.. and after hesistating for dunno how long.. she decided to go down.. so she pass her bag to me and walk down.. dun be silly.. how would i allow her to go down herself? i walk with her.. it was quite exciting.. about 10+ years ago, our big family use to go to the beach together often, and we will play in the water together, with my Ah Ma.. she was 60+,70 then... i guess she just wanted to swim again.. now swimming pool cannot wear home clothes le so she haven't been able to soak herself in water (taking into considerations her body condition as well).. but i know she yearns to be in the water again, she shared with me before (not explicitly though).. many times when we bring her to the beach, she wouldn't wanna go down to the water.. think she scared (body conditions and old age i guess).. But this time.. she wanna go down.. so i held her hands..
As we walk down, i signalled to my dad who was in the water, asking him to come and help my ah ma (i couldn't help my ah ma any further, i was wearing jeans and a quite nice top with covered shoes and socks..) as my ah ma walk further down,i called my brother over so that he can walk down with her..(he wearing shorts..)... i stood down, and watch them walk further down, then i see my dad and my bro trying to hold my ah ma, getting her to sit down on the sand.. my my, the next moment the waves come and she fell back.. after a while she turned over (meaning her face was facing the ground).. the waves was too strong.. i panic and i just couldn't stand watching the way my dad and my bro held my ah ma.. although she was smiling (i think she was enjoying herself) but i still dun feel save watching her in my dad and bro arms.. i took off my shoes and socks, turn back to get someone to carry my ah ma's bag.. it was then tht i realised a lot of ppl was looking at my ah ma, apparently finding her admirable? amusing?? i dunno.. but my gu gu(s) was asking me to ask ah ma come up, very paiseh.. i pass the bag to one of them and rush down to the waters..i held my ah ma up, make sure she was alright.. then saw the smile on her face.. then suddenly, my xiao shu came down and held my ah ma up, asking her to come up quickly, "very paiseh leh"... then they pull her up with my daddy.. i was holding her hands.. after tht when going up, my xiao shu walk away quite angrily, then my gu gu came down to say tht it was very paiseh..
i stood there.. feeling a bit weird.. i wondered how my ah ma is feeling.. but i held her, told her it is alright.. she was still smiling, but it was a bit diff.. i got her clothes and stuffs, and walk with her to bathe.. barefooted, we walk, i ask her if she had fun, she said yes and smiled.. my jeans was heavy, but i was happy.. i walk in with her to the cubicle (ya, see her bathe.. haha..).. i told her she just had water baptism.. i told her i prayed just now, and she now belongs to Jesus! she laugh.. and she say, "aiya, just wanted to go down and wash away the past only".. Oh my.. haha.. i told her " ya lor, this is baptism lorh.." then i told her how happy i will be when one day she really calls God her saviour, and then i will fang(4) xin(1).. (all these convo is in teochew.. haha)..
i stood in the cubicle, was splashed by the water, seems to be showers of blessings on me.. i treasure every moment spent with my ah ma.. i know she is happy too.. and i know how much she loves this grand daughter of hers..
i guess we show love to my ah ma differently.. but sometimes we care more about how the world look at us more than we care about the person we want to show love to..
i really love my ah ma.. i am not sure if she recieved the salvation anot.. i will continue praying.. for her and for my family..
she is 80 yrs old.. how many more days, months, or years do i have with her? would she see me get married? would she get to carry my child? or would i go before her?
just wanna share this with you guys who happen to see this entry.. treasure the time you have to spent with your love ones.. only with God, we'll then be able to spent eternity with each other, in love.. I guess the reason why i tend to love so many ppl is becoz of God.. my character also maybe, but then again, i am created and mould by Him.. hehe.. He is my Father.. Oh!! Happy Father's Day again to my Heavenly Father!
hehe.. i went with my papa to eat dinner with my ah ma, didi, and maid at night.. actually a lot of things happen today.. maybe i will share more again the next entry... hehe :)
remember, show love while you can.. :)
Monday, June 12, 2006
Seeking Comfort
Was feeling very upset yesterday.. Needed comfort.. Din wanted to talk to God about it..
Was on my way to the airport to meet ke li.. then was so upset, i on my discman (yes, i still using cd player), then was listening to this secular love song.. then next track is a christian song.. then i decided to find comfort (or numb myself to put it in a real way) in tht song, so i repeated tht song.. Then mainly becoz i dun want it to skip to the next christian song, totally din wanna listen to God at all..
Was seating on the train, (then you know the waiting time from tanah merah is so long one) then the more i listen, the more upset i become, then the more i think about why i am upset, images flow thru my head, ahh... but i still dun wanna talk to God, dun wanna let Him comfort me..
Ultimately, when i reach airport, i decided to change track.. I decided to listen to the christian song.. Then i kind of cried.. I realised how foolish i was.. i choose to let the world comfort me.. and i choose to believe tht i can go thru this alone.. In fact, i thought i could let go of the thing i wanna let go with my own will power, own wisdom and own strength.. and when i get hurt in the process, once again i choose to let others comfort me.. seeking love from man alone.. i thought "what can God do about it?".. i was so wrong..
"For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength." 1 Corinthians 1:25
He spoke to me thru the song.. I went back to Him in prayers.. He comforted me..
I am still recovering.. In the process of setting my heart right again, in the process of getting healed.. I dunno how the thing will end up to be like, but i know God will hold me in His arms, and i will be secure in Him.
Just wanna encourage you guys who read this blog.. That no matter what happens, God is there to comfort us, to carry us through our problems.. Even if you dun believe in the name of Jesus now, one day if you feel that the world can't comfort you anymore, and you are willing to open your heart to let God comfort you, call on His name and He will hear you.. Seek comfort in Him for He cares for us..
He comforted me, and i know He will be there for you too :)
Was on my way to the airport to meet ke li.. then was so upset, i on my discman (yes, i still using cd player), then was listening to this secular love song.. then next track is a christian song.. then i decided to find comfort (or numb myself to put it in a real way) in tht song, so i repeated tht song.. Then mainly becoz i dun want it to skip to the next christian song, totally din wanna listen to God at all..
Was seating on the train, (then you know the waiting time from tanah merah is so long one) then the more i listen, the more upset i become, then the more i think about why i am upset, images flow thru my head, ahh... but i still dun wanna talk to God, dun wanna let Him comfort me..
Ultimately, when i reach airport, i decided to change track.. I decided to listen to the christian song.. Then i kind of cried.. I realised how foolish i was.. i choose to let the world comfort me.. and i choose to believe tht i can go thru this alone.. In fact, i thought i could let go of the thing i wanna let go with my own will power, own wisdom and own strength.. and when i get hurt in the process, once again i choose to let others comfort me.. seeking love from man alone.. i thought "what can God do about it?".. i was so wrong..
"For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength." 1 Corinthians 1:25
He spoke to me thru the song.. I went back to Him in prayers.. He comforted me..
I am still recovering.. In the process of setting my heart right again, in the process of getting healed.. I dunno how the thing will end up to be like, but i know God will hold me in His arms, and i will be secure in Him.
Just wanna encourage you guys who read this blog.. That no matter what happens, God is there to comfort us, to carry us through our problems.. Even if you dun believe in the name of Jesus now, one day if you feel that the world can't comfort you anymore, and you are willing to open your heart to let God comfort you, call on His name and He will hear you.. Seek comfort in Him for He cares for us..
He comforted me, and i know He will be there for you too :)
Friday, May 26, 2006
Hanging On
Trying to smile.. Learning to trust.. Hanging On..
Tired lips, weary hearts, aching arms..
I would love to lie in His arms..
So save and secure..
Don't wake me up please..
I just want to rest in Him.. Rest..
Tired lips, weary hearts, aching arms..
I would love to lie in His arms..
So save and secure..
Don't wake me up please..
I just want to rest in Him.. Rest..
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Meaningless
I am trying to learn.. Enjoying the presense of God alone.. Not being surrounded by people..
I dun feel like talking much anymore.. People who are quiet gets accepted into the society too.. People who are quiet serves God as well..
When you speak, you make assumptions.. You assume tht the person you are talking to understands what you mean.. Many times, or maybe all the time, the only have partial understanding.. Sometimes people dun show they dun understand.. In fact, they probably dunno that they have misunderstood..
I dun wanna be misunderstood.. I dun wanna be labeled as someone i am not.. I dun wanna talk anymore.. People associate you with their interpretations of what you say.. I am tired..
Thinking of what to say so that ppl wun get the wrong msg, thinking of how to say..
I feel like withdrawing from a lot of stuffs.. But there are responsibilities..Can i not be responsible? But if you are not responsible for once.. Ppl wun have confidence in you again.. Does it matter to me? So what if it doesn't matter to me now? How would i know if it not important to me next time? How would i know if there is a next time? And when they have no confidence in you, will what you say have creditbility? But.. no.. you are not going to say anything le... So does it matter?
All talk, all action.. All talk, no action.. No talk, all action.. No talk, no action..
What is the meaning of being yourself? Who is yourself? Is there only one yourself? I simply cannot fit in to the communities well.. So is there something wrong with myself? Or am i not being myself? Then do you seek to fit in to the communities well or do you seek to be yourself? Or is there many side to yourself, you just have to find the right side to face the different communities? So does it mean there is more than one yourself? Is this what you call identity crisis? But what is an identity? Are you suppose to have diff kind of identities as you appear in diff places?
Seeking identity in Christ.. I only have God now.. The One who will not misunderstands me, even if i dun understands myself.. The One who wun misinterpret me.. Coz i dun communicate with Him using words.. He sees the heart.. The only One.. Can i go back to Him?
Today.. the crow flew pass me 4 times.. It flew over my shoulders.. I ask God if He had something to tell me.. I din get my answer..
I dun feel like talking much anymore.. People who are quiet gets accepted into the society too.. People who are quiet serves God as well..
When you speak, you make assumptions.. You assume tht the person you are talking to understands what you mean.. Many times, or maybe all the time, the only have partial understanding.. Sometimes people dun show they dun understand.. In fact, they probably dunno that they have misunderstood..
I dun wanna be misunderstood.. I dun wanna be labeled as someone i am not.. I dun wanna talk anymore.. People associate you with their interpretations of what you say.. I am tired..
Thinking of what to say so that ppl wun get the wrong msg, thinking of how to say..
I feel like withdrawing from a lot of stuffs.. But there are responsibilities..Can i not be responsible? But if you are not responsible for once.. Ppl wun have confidence in you again.. Does it matter to me? So what if it doesn't matter to me now? How would i know if it not important to me next time? How would i know if there is a next time? And when they have no confidence in you, will what you say have creditbility? But.. no.. you are not going to say anything le... So does it matter?
All talk, all action.. All talk, no action.. No talk, all action.. No talk, no action..
What is the meaning of being yourself? Who is yourself? Is there only one yourself? I simply cannot fit in to the communities well.. So is there something wrong with myself? Or am i not being myself? Then do you seek to fit in to the communities well or do you seek to be yourself? Or is there many side to yourself, you just have to find the right side to face the different communities? So does it mean there is more than one yourself? Is this what you call identity crisis? But what is an identity? Are you suppose to have diff kind of identities as you appear in diff places?
Seeking identity in Christ.. I only have God now.. The One who will not misunderstands me, even if i dun understands myself.. The One who wun misinterpret me.. Coz i dun communicate with Him using words.. He sees the heart.. The only One.. Can i go back to Him?
Today.. the crow flew pass me 4 times.. It flew over my shoulders.. I ask God if He had something to tell me.. I din get my answer..
Friday, April 14, 2006
0601 outing
Today went for the 0601 outing.. Really love them so much.. You feel so comfortable, and real relax..
Ok, i admit i am emotional.. Have been trying to deny this, but i guess it is a fact.. But.. I can smile and smile ma, but sometimes i just dun like.. Why must i act tough in front of ppl i feel close too..
Felt quite vunerable for the past weeks.. I trying to be strong, coz ppl say i too emotional.. I can talk to my 0602 classmates.. They are quite fun to be with.. But.. I dunno.. When i am with oeisters, i really laugh.. really lame... enjoy the time when we share about the tutors we like/admire... haha... really can share.. and you feel relax..
i got make new friends in 0602.. Some whom i can really share with and laugh with also.. and mao mao is very nice... although sometimes he do things tht are quite shocking.. but still think he is an old chidish man.. opps..
and i really miss my 0601 combination of tutors.. haha.. tht includes Mr tong although i din take GP.. ALL of them are nice and good leh.. not kidding you man.. haha.. now.. ok la.. i like my GP tutor for the 1st week of school-ms victoria.. she remembers you one lorh.. then haha.. so nice.. some of the tutors you can just be so comfy with and they are not only tutors but can be friends you talk to..
i think i really emotional hor.. emotions are beautiful things, but i shouldn't let the evil one take me to a place i dun want to.. make me feel so miserable.. hehe.. these are some things someone important told me before.. :) i still trying to learn.. but i really dun get it leh?? i only show my feelings more than other ppl ma.. then hor.. ok ok.. i emotional ok.. haiz... but this is something unique about me.. i feel a lot.. haha..
Today is good friday.. I really wanna tell my friends and family how much Jesus loves us.. I really pray for chances when i can share Christ's love with my friends.. Something so important to me.. Haha.. The reason why i stayed in Nanyang..
God.. Thank You so much.. FOr loving me, for Jesus, for my familes, for my friends, for a chance to meet them.. I pray Lord that You will use me to share about Your grace and salvation to my dearies.. In Jesus Name i pray, Amen!
Ok, i admit i am emotional.. Have been trying to deny this, but i guess it is a fact.. But.. I can smile and smile ma, but sometimes i just dun like.. Why must i act tough in front of ppl i feel close too..
Felt quite vunerable for the past weeks.. I trying to be strong, coz ppl say i too emotional.. I can talk to my 0602 classmates.. They are quite fun to be with.. But.. I dunno.. When i am with oeisters, i really laugh.. really lame... enjoy the time when we share about the tutors we like/admire... haha... really can share.. and you feel relax..
i got make new friends in 0602.. Some whom i can really share with and laugh with also.. and mao mao is very nice... although sometimes he do things tht are quite shocking.. but still think he is an old chidish man.. opps..
and i really miss my 0601 combination of tutors.. haha.. tht includes Mr tong although i din take GP.. ALL of them are nice and good leh.. not kidding you man.. haha.. now.. ok la.. i like my GP tutor for the 1st week of school-ms victoria.. she remembers you one lorh.. then haha.. so nice.. some of the tutors you can just be so comfy with and they are not only tutors but can be friends you talk to..
i think i really emotional hor.. emotions are beautiful things, but i shouldn't let the evil one take me to a place i dun want to.. make me feel so miserable.. hehe.. these are some things someone important told me before.. :) i still trying to learn.. but i really dun get it leh?? i only show my feelings more than other ppl ma.. then hor.. ok ok.. i emotional ok.. haiz... but this is something unique about me.. i feel a lot.. haha..
Today is good friday.. I really wanna tell my friends and family how much Jesus loves us.. I really pray for chances when i can share Christ's love with my friends.. Something so important to me.. Haha.. The reason why i stayed in Nanyang..
God.. Thank You so much.. FOr loving me, for Jesus, for my familes, for my friends, for a chance to meet them.. I pray Lord that You will use me to share about Your grace and salvation to my dearies.. In Jesus Name i pray, Amen!
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Torn Apart..
We must learn to let go.. Please... There is nothing to hold on anymore.. Or do you mean history?? Holding on to history.. i tell myself i need to look forward, i shall not dwell in history anymore.. easier said then done..
i am having a hard hard time.. a very very hard one.. miss 0601.. really wanna keep the spirit going.. but... it is not possible.. not at all.. then the more i spend time with the 0601 ppl, the more i can't pull out of it.. and the emotions get stronger and stronger each day.. the disappoinments, the sadness... and when i see how 0602 now tries very hard to bond with each other.. how they are trying to open up, to be true to one another.. and how much i dun dare to put in my emotions.. i feel so bad.. i wanna love them... in fact i do love them, individually.. but i really dun dare to love the class.. i love 0601.. first time i really love a class, cry becoz of a class... and i wanna do the same for 0602, but i dun dare... it hurts.. really.. so torn apart..
why can ppl seem so indifferent.. i am emotional??? too emotional?? my new class got 8 time-tables.. isn't it a lot also?? and gp tutor change, no more mr tong.. econs tutor change, no more mr nandwani.. no KI, no more mr seah and ms ng.. heart sinks..
The world changes.. But one thing i know.. God never change..
God i need you.. my little heart is wounded... broken into pieces.. i need you to mend it.. i need your comfort.. i need to use this heart to love again.. God.. guard my heart..
i am having a hard hard time.. a very very hard one.. miss 0601.. really wanna keep the spirit going.. but... it is not possible.. not at all.. then the more i spend time with the 0601 ppl, the more i can't pull out of it.. and the emotions get stronger and stronger each day.. the disappoinments, the sadness... and when i see how 0602 now tries very hard to bond with each other.. how they are trying to open up, to be true to one another.. and how much i dun dare to put in my emotions.. i feel so bad.. i wanna love them... in fact i do love them, individually.. but i really dun dare to love the class.. i love 0601.. first time i really love a class, cry becoz of a class... and i wanna do the same for 0602, but i dun dare... it hurts.. really.. so torn apart..
why can ppl seem so indifferent.. i am emotional??? too emotional?? my new class got 8 time-tables.. isn't it a lot also?? and gp tutor change, no more mr tong.. econs tutor change, no more mr nandwani.. no KI, no more mr seah and ms ng.. heart sinks..
The world changes.. But one thing i know.. God never change..
God i need you.. my little heart is wounded... broken into pieces.. i need you to mend it.. i need your comfort.. i need to use this heart to love again.. God.. guard my heart..
Saturday, February 04, 2006
distracted, giving thanks
I told myself i cannot consume by all these thoughts.. But... But...
Yesterday Jun He tell me he accept Christ le.. So cool la.. I see how God has been working in this BROTHER since last year.. he told me he believe, but he just feel weird having a diff religion as his family.. then recently his sister accepted Christ, so he also accept Christ... And guess how did he recieve Jesus?? He said the sinners prayer by himself (with the Holy SPirit guiding him though)... Coz last year i share with him 4 spiritual law, then ask him to keep tht book, and then tell him he can say the prayer himself when he feel tht he is ready, and ask him to pray at home... HAha.. then he really say it by himself... haha... God is great!
Then my papa is starting to get closer and closer to God, yearning for God's words and to know Him more.. hehe... God is working in my papa...
So many things to give thanks to.. but i am so distracted...
Yesterday Jun He tell me he accept Christ le.. So cool la.. I see how God has been working in this BROTHER since last year.. he told me he believe, but he just feel weird having a diff religion as his family.. then recently his sister accepted Christ, so he also accept Christ... And guess how did he recieve Jesus?? He said the sinners prayer by himself (with the Holy SPirit guiding him though)... Coz last year i share with him 4 spiritual law, then ask him to keep tht book, and then tell him he can say the prayer himself when he feel tht he is ready, and ask him to pray at home... HAha.. then he really say it by himself... haha... God is great!
Then my papa is starting to get closer and closer to God, yearning for God's words and to know Him more.. hehe... God is working in my papa...
So many things to give thanks to.. but i am so distracted...
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Reflections
Haha... Nonsense... Wad reflections... just some thoughts
I was just telling God recently, that I am too consumed by things around me.. Then it is not good..
I want to watch the saturday movie, i want to get married.. Talking about married... Oh my... I really wanna get married so badly.. It is not about having a boyfriend, it is about having a husband to spent your life with, built a family, grow together, support each other... See, i am too consumed by all these thoughts... It is not good... If like tht hor, if i am just thinking about getting married, what about preaching for God???
I told my dear Father that I cannot get too consumed by these thoughts.. For about one week or so le, i guess this has to stop.. though i love man of God, but i have to love God the most!
shh... if you all see this hor, then see me too consume about these thoughts again must knock my head ok!! hee...
God i love You, and i love Ah Ma, and my family!!
I was just telling God recently, that I am too consumed by things around me.. Then it is not good..
I want to watch the saturday movie, i want to get married.. Talking about married... Oh my... I really wanna get married so badly.. It is not about having a boyfriend, it is about having a husband to spent your life with, built a family, grow together, support each other... See, i am too consumed by all these thoughts... It is not good... If like tht hor, if i am just thinking about getting married, what about preaching for God???
I told my dear Father that I cannot get too consumed by these thoughts.. For about one week or so le, i guess this has to stop.. though i love man of God, but i have to love God the most!
shh... if you all see this hor, then see me too consume about these thoughts again must knock my head ok!! hee...
God i love You, and i love Ah Ma, and my family!!
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